The Pearson Family

New Arrival

2011-07-28T08:05:00.000-07:00

We just wanted to post a couple of pictures of our little man who joined us yesterday early in the morning. Jonah Jensen Pearson weighed in at 8 lbs 9 oz and stretched 21 inches long.

And, not to be outdone by his new little brother...............Griffin wearing Jonah's cap

A Happy Holiday!

2010-12-14T09:59:00.000-08:00

We are having a fun and busy season! I wanted to at least say hello really quick. We have been enjoying the fact that Justin passed his 4th section for his CPA exams and is all done studying!
That was our first Christmas surprise this year, and we have been blessed with the company of friends and family since!
Hope you are all having a great holiday season. I am so thankful for the season and the opportunity to turn to the Savior and remember the importance of his birth and life to me.

Love these Kids!

2010-11-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

Wedding Fun

2010-07-25T12:33:00.000-07:00

It was a nice hot day for a wedding last Saturday. I have the coolest in-laws! My brothers and sister have all married such awesome people, and my kids also love them. Family is the best!

I will try and get a family shot at the beginning of the day next time... My kids were done smiling at the camera! Good times, though.

2010-06-17T09:51:00.000-07:00

This picture has always made us laugh! Poor little guy didn't like being taken from his mom's warm snuggle to lay down on the floor next to Ian. But, I wanted to post this picture because the look on Ian's face reminds of so much about him.
Ian is about 2 months old in this picture, and had seen some discomfort by now for sure. He never cried. I know part of that was that he just didn't have the energy. But, the look on his face says so much to me. It reminds me of the peace that he always seemed to have with him. He adapted to the challenges he was given, and smiled the whole way through.
Going back to the hospital at 4 months was difficult, and it was so hard to be by his side, but not able to protect him from being poked and tested some more. The first morning we came back to his side after having to leave for the night, he turned to me with his hand stretched out, and I knew he had a difficult night. It broke my heart.
And then over the next two days, he taught me the greatest lesson of my life.
He adapted to his situation.
He made a choice, even in his infancy, to be happy.
He was confident, and chilling with the nurses, smiling across the room at others walking by. He used his tubes as toys, and loved the sugar water he recieved during procedures!
He found the good.
Thank you so much Ian, for teaching me how to be strong. How to reach out and smile, even when it seems that you have every reason not to.
Most of the ideas that inspire me to do better, give more, and love stronger, come when I think of Ian and the time we spent together as a family.
I appreciate this journey, and the chance I have to re-prioritize, some days I have to do that more that once. But, it is always worth the effort it takes to get back on track. Family is worth it!

Do-it -yourself project!

2010-05-11T17:10:00.000-07:00

Griffin wanted to be out there as much as possible, which was not much! So, he really pitched in during the clean up. He is helping Mike with the leftovers. Lots of free firewood for the help!

People thought we were crazy, but taking out our own 65' lombardi poplar trees sounded better than paying $4,000 to have someone else do it.... and Justin comes from a fearless do it yourself family! So, we(me not being involved so much) took on the project! I watched and offered support by feeding the hard workers. One long weekend later, we are treeless! Plenty of huge stumps to worry about, but some are already being planned as chairs for an upcoming firepit, so that should be fun!
Our backyard is now a much safer place in a windstorm which amazingly can happen everyday! We lost our inflatable swimming pool to a huge branch that fell off during a wind storm last year while we were at the 24th of July celebration. Our neighbors will have at least 20 less bags to rake in the fall, and they may even be able to grow a garden now.
The trees were old, and would have had to come out in the next few years anyway, so it was nice to know the project is done, and only cost us to rent the huge lift for the day, which by the way, Justin had a lot of fun operating all day. Though I didn't do the planning and carrying out of the project, it seemed pretty cool to tackle such an intimidating project and succeed! We were grateful for the help, and I am glad to have a crazy cool husband willing to take them down!

Happy Birthday Justin!

2010-03-14T12:19:00.000-07:00

We are glad that Justin gets to take a day off during tax season to celebrate his birthday with us!
He works late hours so that he can be home with us every night for dinner and to do bedtime with the kids. It's been a busy few months, but we've managed to have some good daddy/husband time in the mix of everything!

He recently led our family to victory in the Davenport Bowling competition!
He also led the group of go-kart racers last night, which was a lot of fun to watch. His mad driving skills may have even carried over into the rest of our date night!
Either way, he is a lot of fun, and we love to have him here brightening our days. I wish I had more pictures of him with his kids that love to wrestle and play with him. Apparently, he is also the photographer in the family!! We love you!

Oh the fun we have had!

2010-03-06T19:16:00.000-08:00

How fun to be Five!!
It's hard to believe how the time flies! This girl amazes me. She has a strong spirit, and the will to go with it. I love that she keeps me on my toes, and on my knees. She is starting a ballet class next week, and her daddy is coaching her in soccer this summer. She brings a lot of fun to each day and her brother wakes up from his naps, pointing to the door, and reaching for her!
We feel like such a lucky family- Love you lady!

Uncle Mike is home from New Zealand!! He has some happy little ones that he is back!
We are excited for all the fun that lies ahead!
We can't wait to support him playing quarterback at ISU!

These two... I absolutely love watching them play together. It is my most favorite thing ever.
I am so excited for the ground to thaw, and to spend hours in the backyard together!

Just a fun little extra project for me to work on in my spare time! My talented sister in law Liz was ambitious enough to get us started with a booth at Flea-bay in Chubbuck.
It is a lot of fun to create some new projects with our vinyl cutter, and it is going well.
I am glad we did it. I had been wanting an FHE board for a long time, and it gave me the motivation to design it finally!
I am loving the delegation that the board demands! FHE seems a lot easier the past few weeks!

Justin and I are also playing indoor soccer, though I don't have a picture to prove it! I love it, and it is a great standing date night through tax season. Love Wednesday nights. Justin has scored a few goals, including his header last week. It was awesome. I love being on his team with him.

We actually have a standing date on Friday also. I am starting to appreciate this tax season! Knowing our time together is limited each week, we make sure to at least get the basics in. I love the basics, and believe they make the family go round!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-22T14:01:00.000-08:00

When hands reach out in love at Christmas
The world is a little happier,
A little kinder,
A little more like Heaven

Loved recieving this Christmas card. Thank you.

Fun Run... & a fun day!

2009-08-29T19:02:00.000-07:00

We signed Emily up for a fun run today and it was so much fun to watch her go! I was surprised at her endurance, and also her competitive nature. She talked the whole way there about wanting to win. Although she did well, she did not win a bobble-head trophy (they were seriously cute)! But, luckily Justin has been playing a lot of soccer with her lately and she adopted the saying from him, "you win some- you lose some"! What a cute daddy!
Anyway, after 2 1/2 hours of fun run fun, and all the bouncy toys and stuff going on there, we dropped the boys off at home for naps and CPA studying (sorry honey). Emily and I headed to the farmer's market, and since she had so much fun snapping beans with Grandma Davenport for an 8 hour canning marathon, we decided to pick up 6 dozen corn and a box of peaches. We had a blast figuring out freezer corn, it was easy and fun to do together as a family.
We were thinking about heading out yet again but felt a little tired at that point. To our delight some great friends offered to babysit Emily for a couple of hours and we got to go on a date with Griffin. It was so much fun to be just with him for a bit. And Justin, too. Love days like this. No worries! Too much fun.

Never Alone

2009-08-23T17:09:00.000-07:00

I loved this message. What a great comparison to our lives. I absolutely agree that it is so important to have friends and family who love and support us, when we can't find the strength on our own.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIrGKB5nRKE

The grass is always greener.....

2009-07-26T18:45:00.000-07:00

So, I've had some "great" conversations with Emily this week. For lack of a good journal-writing habit lately, I chose to post a few of them here tonight.

Emily-Mom, we had the best burritos ever at Kim's house. They had chicken in them!

I'm thinking mine have chicken in them, and can't resist saying, Really? Better than mine?

Emily looks really confused as to what she 'should' say, and starts saying, umm, well mom, I mean- not as good as yours.

In an attempt to correct my coercing her tell me that mine are better, I explained that it is awesome to find people that do things better than us because then we can learn from them.

She smiles and admits, "oh, they are better than yours mom. I just didn't want to make you feel bad."

So, long story- but it prefaces today's conversation. Now that Emily has learned not to have to much concern over the way that I feel....

Emily- Can I please have one more icee pop?

Me- You sure can have one more and then we'll be done.

Emily-Mom you are the best parent ever. Well not as good as Kim,(cute little 4 year old laugh), you know that right!

Seriously, did she just say all that out loud?!?
Well, at least I take a close second, I think...and Kim lives right behind us so I can learn from her amazingness!
By the way, it has been confirmed that the burritos came from the freezer, so all your kids can experience their goodness also!

She's a cute kid, and sure makes a day fun. She is getting to be a good little babysitter, too. I love that I can be getting dinner ready and my kids will be watching each other! Seriously, my most favorite thing to watch is sibling interaction. It is amazing the sweet little bond that is there.

I know, give me a few months, right! I wouldn't trade it though, I know that.

So sweet

2009-07-24T21:03:00.001-07:00

We couldn't let the day go by without sharing this sweet video. It was put together by Paul Cardall, a musician, husband and father who is currently waiting for a heart transplant. It is beautiful and we feel so humbled to know the families of some of these sweet little ones.
If there is one thing our experience with Ian has taught us, there are so many wonderful people in this world. What a special tribute and a thoughtful thing for Paul to do in the midst of his own huge trial.
Thank you so much for your great effort to raise awareness and honor all these sweet little ones.

Girl Camp!

2009-06-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

Justin and I decided last week to take advantage of an opportunity to get 3 of Emily's closest in age cousins here for the week, and we are having a blast. 4 girls together day and night.... some good times!

This isn't actually Emily's cousin, but her neighbor that she has decided is her sister, so she was definitely invited to our camp-in! They spilled the strawberry nesquick and decided to use teamwork to sweep it up! It was so cute! They were about to put it back in the box, and I saw them just then. I said oh, you don't have to put it back in. Gracie smiled and said, we thought you were gonna be mad, Jenn. I told them I wasn't mad and they said oh, thanks! So cute

We got to meet one of my friends at the zoo on Monday, and they had a lot of fun with her kids. And, as you can see, Griffin is getting some extra attention this week. He loves these girls, and we are all having so much fun sharing the house with them! What a fun bunch of little ones.

Too much fun!

2009-05-24T08:24:00.001-07:00

We have had a great week! We got to go to Pocatello for a morning while Justin took the first of his CPA exams. I know we had a lot more fun than he did- but we are proud of his determination to pass all these tests! Emily and I were both excited to see our friends in the neighborhood. She was sporting a new haircut that were compliments of herself... and my talented neighbor who had us straightened out in no time!

We had so much fun, and were happy to go back again a couple days later when Emily's crown fell out. We could have gone to a dentist here, but she has already made it through and trusted the office in Pocatello, so we took the easy way out and headed back down to do that. We hit up the petting zoo with the little cousins while we were there and had fun doing that.

Besides our adventures compiments of Emily, we've had fun with the slip 'n slide, Tauphtus Park, and of course our yard work. It's fun to sit down at the end of the day and be proud of a hard days work. We used a sod cutter to help cut out a plot for our neighbors garden, and they let us use the grass to patch up some serious problem areas in our yard! It turned out really well, and the kids had so much fun playing back and forth all day while we had so much work to do!

Remember

2009-05-18T13:53:00.000-07:00

We had the opportunity to attend a memorial service at Primary Children's Hospital this weekend in honor of all those little ones who passed away last year. Since we missed the tribute last year, they invited us to attend this past Sunday.
It was a timely opportunity to go back to the place where our Ian was so gently cared for. Our hearts were touched as we were able to remember so many sweet memories that we made as a family there. For something that I have deemed as such a trying experience that can easily get the better of me, we sat in the hospital, and it was so easy to remember feeling so much love and peace while we were there. Not that we didn't feel other things, too!
But, it helped me realize how important it is to remember. Not only the tough parts, the wonderful amazing parts that can influence us to do better and to try harder.
To remember
why I want to show my children love each day.
why the daily endless tasks of being a mother are my favorite things in the world.
To remember I was not created to be perfect. To remember that is okay.
To remember why I am here, and why I am so grateful for a Savior who loves and died for me.
To remember the family and friends we have been given to help share our grief and our peace.
and that my little one who smiled so sweetly will smile again.

Happy Birthday Ian!!

2009-05-01T08:16:00.000-07:00

We love our Ian and we are so grateful for him!!! Here's a few favorites that help us remember him and his huge spirit and personality.

It is hard to believe that it is his 2nd birthday. We miss him so much and it is days like today that renew our determination to do all we can to be with him again. Love ya bud!!!!

2009-04-05T19:34:00.000-07:00

Just thought we'd put a couple of recent photos up. We are in our new house, and loving it~ I am having fun painting, and definitely saving some of the fun for after Justin's 1st tax season is over! The picture of the kids is my only wall that is actually complete, but I love it and can't wait to finish the rest!

Tax season has been crazy, but it has gone by fast and Justin has worked extra late so many nights so that he could be home with us for a couple of hours every evening. We have really enjoyed that.

We like our ward and neighborhood. It makes us realize how important it is to introduce ourselves to new members and reach out. Its been so nice to have families welcome us and help us feel at home. It also makes us grateful for the blessings of our church membership in general. It would take a lot longer to meet people without having church to go to on Sunday and making instant friends with ward members.

We hope things are well for everyone. We've had super slow internet off and on, but I think we are set now, and excited to get back in touch! Funny how many relationships are based on our signal strength. Actually, that's pretty lame. Anyway, good night!

A little update

2009-02-01T21:17:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to post a few pictures from this last month. Our days are definitely busy and I am getting better at having everyone dressed by noon! It took me several weeks, and we still have our days, but we are adjusting to the extra tasks of having a newborn.

Griffin is starting to smile at us, however he's pretty picky about when.... he is really smily for his middle of the night feed which is a great incentive for me to get out of my warm bed!

Emily and Justin had a great time in the snow last weekend. They were so glad that it was the perfect packing snow! She's having her fair share at adjusting this past month as well. I think we'll get there... it's always best when dad is around. She really listens to him well, and has a lot of fun with him too. I'm trying to catch on to his wonderful ways.... we're really grateful for him!

Emily passed her Ducty to Griffin. This is a duck my mom gave Ian when he was born, and Emily has been carrying around since this last summer when she wanted to sleep with it so that she could feel close to Ian. She says that Ian said it is okay with him! I love my kids and the reminders they give me of why I am here, and why it is so important and such a blessing to strive to endure to the end.... sometimes the end is 6 o'clock when Justin gets home, and I get to shower! Lots of days- actually!

2 weeks old!

2008-12-28T12:55:00.000-08:00

I couldn't resist putting Griffin in his chair he got for Christmas! He looked so cute and it was so fun to see him in there for a second. He had his 2 week check-up and has gained over a pound since he left the hospital. He's definitely a good eater!
Needless to say, we are having fun with our kids this break. We've been taking advantage of Justin's time in between jobs. Now, back to real life tomorrow when he starts commuting to IF. Hopefully it isn't too much longer until we hear about our house.... and we hope the freeways stay nice and clear!

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T21:28:00.001-08:00

Just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas while there is an hour left of the day! It's been a nice holiday season and we've really taken it easy with the weather/brand new baby combination! It's been a great opportunity to slow down and think about the things that are most important to us. We are so grateful for this season and especially for the hope and love that it brings.

Say Hello!!

2008-12-14T18:51:00.000-08:00

We just wanted to introduce Griffin Mackay Pearson. He joined us here on Saturday night at 8:50 p.m. about an hour and forty minutes after we checked in! The labor was fast and Jenn did so great. We knew he wasn't going to be small.............but this.................
Weighing in at 9lbs 6 oz, and 22 inches long, he barely fit into the newborn outfit we chose to bring him home in!!!

I thought that Grif and I would like to get some quality shut eye in this sweet bed I had.

I love Jenn so much!! If birthing a 9 1/2 pound baby doen't remind you of your love for your wife, nothing will!!!! We are home tonight and glad to be here. We haven't seen emily for a while and it was good to see her and be home together as a family. Welcome Home Griffin!!!

A couple fun pics!

2008-12-08T13:03:00.000-08:00

Just thought I'd write something to let everyone know we're still waiting for our baby! These pictures are obviously 6 weeks old and don't show my serious growth spurt the past month! But, they are fun anyway. I'll have Justin help me get the newer bigger pictures posted from our camera later. Of course, by then hopefully we have pictures of a baby to post instead! We are getting really excited.

Babies do just come when they're ready, right??? I've only had induction experiences before and would love to try spontaneously going into labor.... but I don't want to push this pregnancy too long either! We've been thinking about all the crazy natural induction ideas, but have mostly just chickened out. We will post when we get the first chance. Hope everyone is having a good holiday season!

One amazing wife!!

2008-12-03T22:12:00.000-08:00

This is Justin and I just wanted to write a quick post about the love of my life, Jenn. As every reader of this blog knows she is totally amazing. As we enter this crazy busy and stressful month I see how great she is more and more. She has a nasty pinched nerve in her hip making it even harder to do normal things, yet she presses on doing so much for Emily and me, not to mention all she is doing to get ready for a new baby and moving!! I am so grateful for her and the amazing example to me she is of charity and selflessness. She is an amazing mother, wife and friend and I will forever be grateful that she agreed to marry me!!! I love you Jenn!!!!!

~Happy Thanksgiving~

2008-11-25T17:27:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since we've posted. We are busy getting ready for our new little addition, who doesn't feel so little.... and Emily is being a great helper as we try to get all of our Christmas shopping done! We also put an offer on a house a couple of weeks ago. The sellers accepted and sent it to their bank who will take their own time making a decision since it is a short sale. We are really hoping that it works out, and can hardly believe all these exciting things are actually taking place next month, including Justin's graduation. I am so proud of him, and can't believe we've been through all 5 1/2 years together! He's done an amazing job at juggling family and school, and I am so grateful for him. He's of course very excited to be finished and starting a professional job! We even 'have' to go buy him a bunch of new clothes to fit his title, which should be a lot of fun...other than we aren't used to that. Any suggestions where to get good business type clothes?!?
We are feeling very blessed and humble this season as we prepare to bring a new little one into your family, it's really exciting to think about!! Trying not to get to excited, however! I look huge, and ready to pop... but we're not feeling to close yet. But, that's okay...for now! Hope everyone has a nice holiday week!

One Heart

2008-11-01T07:19:00.001-07:00

We are getting ready this morning to head to the temple, and are excited to get there. It feels nice to turn our perspectives from the sadness we've been feeling of our mortal loss, to all that we have gained eternally. We have very tender feelings in our hearts when we are focusing on these things. Since about February, this whole grieving thing wasn't really working for me. I usually felt peace on Sundays, and besides that could get down really easily. Our stake had been talking a lot about claiming the blessings of our membership and creating our Zion. Justin has supported me in just that, and we are making the temple a much bigger part of our relationship, as we are striving to make our family of "one heart."
It feels so good to be doing service and think that Ian is doing something similar. We feel closest to Ian when we are communicating nicely with each other and doing things to help each other on a daily basis. We are so grateful for Ian, and the lessons he has helped us to learn. We also feel grateful for Emily, and her patience with us. It's been a rough road, we know it's not over, but Justin and I feel a sense of comfort in getting here, and strengthening each other on the way. One of our nurses came in and sat with us and Ian after had passed away. He gave us one piece of advice, Be patient with each other. I didn't realize then how important those words would be. We have gone about this process much differently, and it has been trying at times(more for Justin, you can imagine).
This day full of emotions, we feel gratitude in our hearts to belong to a church that offers peace and a plan of happiness. We know Ian is an angel, doing an important work. We feel proud to be his parents, and accept the pain with the knowledge that it brings. We love you Ian.

The Principle of Compensation

2008-10-25T04:44:00.000-07:00

This early morning post comes compliments of Emily who just snuck into my bed for the 3rd time tonight. She comes in as many times as we take her back because she "misses mom and just wants to snuggle wif her." My only chance to snuggle with her, ever, has to be at 3 in the morning. So, between the Justin and Emily sandwich, and becoming ginormously pregnant the past few weeks, I've had some serious pondering time during the night!

Anyway, I appreciate the chance I have given myself for the free expression in writing. I've felt so great the past few days just putting into words what I've locked in my heart and letting it all out. It's been healing for me and worth all the pondering to know that it has any relevance to others. I was naive going into this challenge, starting before Ian was born, thinking that as a member of this gospel I could make this all go away. I didn't think life could get too hard. Now I want to share with anyone who is struggling and wondering why through the prayers and fasts, and worthiness interrogations, that life does get too tough sometimes. I think half of going through a trial is actually allowing ourselves to hurt.
At Ian's funeral an old teacher of ours cried with Justin and I, and said, "the gospel doesn't take the pain away, it only makes the pain worthwhile." After all, knowing all He knew, in the Garden, Jesus wept.
I want to share one of my favorites from conference!
"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." Joseph B. Wirthlin
How grateful I am for the gospel and though it doesn't erase the pain, or always miraculously offer the healing that is sought after, our Father in Heaven is so closely watching over us all. He has a very specific plan for each of us, He will not give us more than we can handle or leave us without his angels to bear us up when we are out of strength.
One night while at the hosptial with Ian, the nurse thought to share with me a story of refining silver, and the delicate process that takes place. He tried to keep it non-gospel related, but the message was clear to me. I know that like the silver artisan, who knew just how long to leave the silver in the fire, not taking it out to early which would cause the piece not to shine or function in it's entirety- Heavenly Father has had a close eye on my family and me throughout this process. I am so grateful for the gospel, and the healing power that comes with it, and especially at a time of many tears, I am grateful for the great blessing of the principle of compensation. Heavenly Father just thought of everything!

It's going to be okay

2008-10-23T06:16:00.000-07:00

One thing I want to share is this ongoing feeling Justin and I had from the first ultrasound that we had with Ian. After the shock of learning about his heart defect, and realizing you don't just go to those things to find out if you should buy pink or blue, we were able to talk and realize the knowledge we both had that things would be okay.
We immediately started joining our prayers with those of family and friends, and fasted for this little guy as often as we could. Emily still says without even thinking, Hemenly Father, Thank you for this day, bless Ian, bless mom and dad....
Ian was blessed and made it home after he was 3 weeks old and we knew it was going to be okay. As we went to the hospital 2 months later to place an ng tube because we thought he was just having a hard time gaining weight I got really nervous in the parking lot before we went in. I held Ian in my arms and said a prayer to ask that things would be okay. He gave me the cutest little smile and I knew again things would be okay.
This picture is the last we took of Ian before his surgery on September 24th. He was smiling and kicking his feet as we walked him down the hallway into the OR. This is were we had to say goodbye for now. It was truly awful. Then, Justin hugged me, and it only took us a few seconds to smile, and laugh at his little stinker personality! The nurses had tried for 3 weeks to get him to gain weight before this surgery by doing a continuous feed. Ian, and his kicking feet and playful ways, only put on a few ounces. But, he was happy as ever and nobody could tell me that things would not be okay.
The next 5 1/2 weeks were full of frustrations, and disappointments, as well as breakthroughs, followed by bigger disappointments. It was hard for me, with my easy background of few small trials, to understand why Heavenly Father wasn't fixing this. I'd never prayed so fervently with so much intent for anything.
Maybe besides sharing these thoughts for my mom's benefit(I've never been good at saying how I'm 'really' feeling, so most of this is news to my family)... I feel like while this was going on, that I was the only one who thought my prayers weren't working, or that Heavenly Father was completely skipping my family.
I think about it now, and wonder how many others have done this. I guess I just want people to know that they aren't the only ones. I remember having such a hard time just with the fact that I felt that way, that it was hard to know what to do, and what to pray for. Of course, I only wanted to pray for Ian's recovery, and I felt so far from knowing if that was the Lord's will. I recieved a blessing and the only thing I remember was hearing that Heavenly Father knew my anger and disappointment..(oops, I didn't really want Him to know my lack of faith). I also learned that He didn't expect me to accept and understand everything today or this week.

I definitely don't understand everything. I do try everyday day to accept this earthly challenge. And at the end of each day, I still know it's going to be okay.
Okay just wasn't as I had been defining it. Okay didn't ever mean I would hold my baby in my arms everyday, and get to raise him with Emily. Okay didn't even mean the hurt would ever all go away. Such a rip-off, I know.

But, I will be okay, and my family will be okay. And Ian is okay. He gives our family motivation and love everyday that we never knew. It reminds me of a scripture that Justin read at Ian's funeral...
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9-10
I know that in all my efforts, my ways and thoughts are not as the Lord's, thank goodness for His patience and love that is offered on whichever level I am. I pray that we can all know it's going to be okay, whatever it is.

Season of Change

2008-10-22T04:48:00.000-07:00

Fall has always been a favorite for me. I love that just when the summer is getting a little too long and hot, the air turns crisp and the colors start to change. I used to run a lot on a trail here, and there was only about one or to weeks out of the year that I could go and if I got far enough would be completely surrounded by fallen leaves that would crunch while I ran and with hundreds more waiting to fall, that's all I would see or hear for a mile!
I also loved that it meant the season of giving was coming. All the world would turn to compassion and to our Savior. It has always been motivating for me to build my testimony and feel a closer relationship to my Father in Heaven.
Last fall and this fall have meant the same, although there have been one thousand feelings to go along with them... and no running!
Somehow, I've been feeling really compelled to share some of them with you. I've avoided it for weeks now, or maybe about a year or so. I always wonder what I'm 'posed' to think and feel and that has kept me from sharing a lot. I wonder if everyone does this.
Although our next couple of weeks will be busy with making offers on a home, meeting our new nieces, Hailey, Jade, and playing with our new nephew Easton!.... I also want to take advantage of the season and take some time to reflect and share the events that have taken place and changed our family so much.

Ian's Rock

2008-10-18T20:47:00.000-07:00

This is Justin and we just wanted to share the cute little surprise we got this week. Well..... it wasn't really a surprise that is was coming, just when. We have been expecting it for quite some time and I think the snow storm last week didn't help any. It has definitely been a long road filled with a wide assortment of emotions getting this all designed and put together, but it was worth all the stress in the end. We think that it looks great and it will be so much more enjoyable to go and visit "Ian's Park" with his new "Rock" (both phrases from Emily). I wanted to show off his new rock so bad that I am posting these pictures without any flowers. We are putting that bouquet together this weekend and those will be in next week and it will look even better. Emily was so excited to see that it was there, she just kept saying, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe this!!" over and over and she just kept touching it and hugging it. I guess this has been a long road for her too.

Walla Walla Doo Doo

2008-09-22T21:15:00.000-07:00

This is the name of Emily's pet lizard, which turns out to be a tiger salamander, which turns out to not be Emily's pet anymore......
So, late last night, I realized I needed to put a bill in the mail, and knew I'd forget in the morning. I hurried out to the mailbox at 11:00 and on my way in heard a little rustling in the window well. Despite my animal dis-liking nature, I decide to tell Justin we should find out what the noise is. He got a flashlight and saw that it was a lizard burrowing to get warm for the night. Well, it was pretty cold so we found a bucket and made it nice and cozy and brought him in for the night. We got him a couple of bugs and some leaves and also some quaker oats and dehydrated refried beans(you never know) to snack on for the night.
In the morning Justin and I were pleased to find that he was still in the bucket, and Emily was so excited to see him. She quickly named him, but then mostly referred to him as "little cutie."
Well, to make a long stressful guilt-ridden story short, I couldn't bear the maintenance this little guy needed. The pet store told me he was a salamander, way too cold, and needed a habitat with heat and water soon. I was so stressed out about taking care of this guy, and then realized just to get started before we purchased the live crickets he would need 3-4 times a day, our total was over $80. Are you kidding me?!? So, what did I do? Turn the heater on in the car and head to the next pet shop. I left the creature in the car this time so he could warm up, but was way too worried about him while we price-checked. Well, a little better, $70- but then the whole cricket thing started to set in, and I told Emily we should maybe let him go back outside so he could find his family.....tragic. I was so torn, and sick to my stomach about breaking her heart, I really almost spent $70 (I could tell you exactly how many diapers that could buy instead).
With a few phone calls from Justin, and one of our good friends, Justin ran over from work and we decided that maybe after the new baby, and the new house, maybe would be a better time for a new pet. And maybe now would be a good time for like... a new toy.
She's thought about her walla walla doo doo a few times since their farewell (one of the pet stores "graciously" took him off our hands), and asked if we could go see him tomorrow at the pet store.... but life will go on, and we hope that he will find his little family! And, I got her to help me clean out a bunch of old toys so we can go pick a new one, not a bad day- I guess.

Family Photos!

2008-09-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share a few of these pictures that my sister in law Anne took. She is a great photographer, and in fact can make a block of wood look beautiful!

See, a simple wood project and she makes it look great! We were so excited to have her do these for us. We've never been much of a picture family, so it's fun to have a talented photographer willing to share her talents with us!

Well, these are just a few, we really love how they turned out, and just wish we had taken a few more along the way! Does anyone else do that? Think about scheduling a photo shoot, and then wonder if you waited maybe you could lose a couple more pounds, maybe your baby would be at the best smiling phase, or your toddler would actually cooperate a little better. Not to mention...what to wear?!? Well, extra pounds and all, we're happy to have these.
Thanks again Anne. You are so awesome and we are glad that your business is taking off... you do such a good job. (we'd like to reserve you a couple times a year, or at least once)! You'll have to make us, even if I think the stress of picking the 'perfect' outfits just isn't worth it sometimes!!

Fun Run for IHH!

2008-09-08T21:10:00.000-07:00

We were thrilled to be able to make it to Utah this weekend for the 1st annual Intermountain Healing Hearts Fun Run/Walk. It was so nice to go to an event that had a little to do with Ian, and get to support some wonderful families at the same time. IHH is a support group formed I believe just last year, and they have done such an awesome job at offering information to families with children who have heart kiddos, and they also have a chapter of their group called IHH angels, for the families that have lost their little heart ones. The run was a blast, seeing so many people out there supporting the same cause and all so happy to be there.

They also did an angel tribute after the race where all of the angel heart moms went up and read our little one's name, rang a bell in their honor and released a white balloon. It was so beautiful, although I was nervous to go up in front of everyone without my family, but there was such an obvious love and support from that group it was really a great experience and an honor.

We were a little late signing up for this year's event, but hope to make it next year, and bring lots of family and friends with us. It's the only party I know of that happens once a year, involves our little Ian, and isn't planned by us!

We are so thankful for the great families that saw a need for supporting each other and formed this wonderful group. Especially when they have had their own losses or have their own little heart kiddos to give special attention to. What a wonderful example they have shown our family.

One great family!

2008-08-04T19:28:00.000-07:00

I am a little nervous posting this because I don't have any idea how to sum up these two in a paragraph. My oldest brother and his wonderful wife Liz have been approved for adoption and just recently had their profile page added to the internet for all to see. Of course I am a little biased, but wanted to help share their desire with others so more people could see them and their great characteristics that makes them awesome candidates to be chosen as parents.

From childhood memories that never include getting picked on by my older brothers, to high school where every girl wanted to be my friend so the sleepovers could be at my house(he was the star of his football team), to seeing his concern for me as he so greatly supported me through our trials last year, I have been shown over and over how wonderful and genuine he is. He and his wife have been so supportive and made several drives from Las Vegas to visit when we were in Utah with Ian, because they wanted to make sure that we were getting through the days okay. His wife is equally amazing and brightens up every occasion with her fun personality. Our little family, especially Emily will never forget how grateful we were for the beautiful melody of primary songs they sang at Ian's service. We saw Jeff just the other day and Emily asked him to please sing his church song, which she also knows as Ian's song! We are so glad to have been touched and blessed by their kindness and strength through the past 7 years they have been married.
They recently added a link to their online profile from their blog and we just wanted to add it to ours as well. I didn't want to embarass them with this post, but we do look up to them so much and just hope all the best for the two of them. Also, if anyone is curious about the adoption process, they have links to some great websites from their blog which is also on my link list. I haven't ever known much about adoption and it has been such a neat opportunity for me to realize the wonderful blessing that it is for everyone involved.

Good ol' summer!

2008-07-18T13:44:00.001-07:00

We have a lot of catching up to do! Just wanted to post a few pictures of what we've been up to! So this picture of Emily isn't great, and you can't even see her dress too well. But, that is her garage sale dress we got! We've been spending our Saturday mornings shopping while Justin cleans windows! I've mostly found some great pieces of tupperware for 25 cents, and a cute rocking chair that I'm going to refinish for Emily's room. Emily, however finds more than her room can hold, including a great barbie bike that Justin and I refused to pay $40 for last summer, barbie rollerblades(which she hasn't quite grown into) and Barbie sunglasses, too! All at different houses, and even different weeks. You can't miss one Saturday, you never know what you could've found! Okay, I actually think it's about time I stopped going. I have found plenty of "treasures" to last us a while! But, this Emily is quite the summer girl. From slip'n slides, to lunch in the park, libraries, and the zoo-- she is quite happy, and I am quite exhausted!

Oops, not a great picture, and I haven't figured out how to delete it! Anyway, this is our adrenhaline junky! She loved every ride she tried! I thoroughly enjoyed watching her have fun!

Gotta love the scooter, at 75 miles to the gallon, I can't complain! The fact that it can't go above 40 mph also helps ease the worry of Justin sporting it around this summer! He loves taking Emily for little rides around the neighborhood.

This is Emily with our friends the Frost's. She thinks Tyler is her cousin, and always loves when he comes over. If she hears the slightest cry from him, she runs out fully prepared with blankets, books, toys, and Ian's pacifiers that she claimed as her own for her babies. She always says if Tyler is sad, he can use these, Ian won't care! She is quite the little nurterer! In fact, she has one baby doll that she carries with her on occasion, and out of the blue, chooses to nurse in public! A little embarassing, but it was a good laugh!

These are a couple pictures of our 4th of July campout. What a great weekend! 3 days of camping, cousins, great food, great company, some good card games and late night conversation. It was such a fun vacation and we were so glad we were able to go.

And, last but not least, the first picture of our new little one.....and by the way we are expecting! We are really excited, and have been so blessed this year. Our family has had so many opportunities to grow together, and as we got to go see our baby yesterday, it helped us realize how happy and grateful we feel to have eachother and to be able to bring another precious little one into our home. i felt so overwhelmed with peace and happiness all day yesterday. I can't wait to hold him in my arms and feel of his sweet spirit! And, yes... it is a boy! Emily of course thinks we are naming him Tyler. But we are open for suggestions if anyone is willing to share!

What do you think, does he look like a Pearson or a Davenport?!?

One more thing, I just wanted to say out loud and for the world to know, how lucky, seriously lucky I am to have Justin. He has been such a great husband and dad. I think everyone should give him praise if you ever get the chance. Imagine for a moment, (or 5 months) living with a grieving mom/pregnant wife....yeah, no small task. I can think of days I'd rather erase altogether, and I can't think of a single moment that Justin wasn't right by my side, unless of course he knew I needed some mommy alone time. He has been so supportive and loving every step of the way. When we knew we wanted to add to our family, we definitely considered the pregnancy struggles on top of our already existing trials, and knew that this is what we needed and wanted. We have been so blessed, especially me, with such a great family to always stand behind me. What a great life this can be. I feel so grateful for the gospel in my life, and so lucky that we have been able to apply such important, real principles of the gospel, to our little family here, and especially in just the beginning of our lives together. We won't be searching our whole lives for happiness, because we already know where to find it. I'm so thankful we learned these lessons early, and have an entire lifetime to apply them, and benefit from them.

Rock Climbing!

2008-06-25T08:08:00.000-07:00

We found out Emily likes to climb rocks while we were playing frisbee golf last weekend. She climbed up a really big one, was really proud of herself, and said ....hmm, I'm good at climbing rocks, I guess! So Justin and I had our friends Matt and Nora take us for a Family night climb! She loved scaling the wall of rocks by herself, but once we got the harness on her, and put her on a wall that went straight up, she was a little more nervous.

Washington DC!!

2008-05-27T21:39:00.000-07:00

We had a wonderful trip to Washington DC to visit Mom and Dad Pearson! Jenn found a SWEET deal on plane tickets so we jumped at the chance for a little family vacation!

First of all..........

EMILY LOVES FLYING!!!! She was a little starteled when we first started taking off, but besides that she was laughing and looking out her window the entire time! If any of you know what Little Einstein is, she was helping the plane get more power by patting and yelling blastoff when we left the ground! She was fun.

Once there were relaxed and went to see the temple grounds where Mom and Dad work. It really is a beautiful temple. There is a nature walk around the temple, and when you are on it, you can't tell there is a temple and a freeway on either side of you!!

The next day Emily got to go see the butterflies she had been so excited for!! (there were butterflies all over this room and on every flower!)

The three of us hit some sites while mom and dad spent the morning in the temple.

And then we picked up grandma and grandpa for a trip to the National Zoo!

One day Grandma and Grandpa played with Emily all morning while Jenn and I went to see some more sites with a few less pody breaks!

This last picture is a shot of Jenn and I on the subway back to Mom and Dads with our new $5 sunglasses!!

We spent our last day in Gettysburg just an hour north of DC.

We have tons more pictures and just had so much fun!! Thanks again to Mom and Dad for having us there!!

We Love You Brody!

2008-05-15T20:14:00.001-07:00

Such a sweet little boy with a perfect little spirit! Brody was Ian's roommate in the PICU for 3 1/2 weeks in September before his surgery. They were Ian's happiest days, and we were so happy to share them with Brody and his sweet family. They gave to us so much hope and shared in our tough battle for our son.

Brody left his earthly challenges last night while in the presence of all of his family. They fought and fought for his health for the past four years. They showed courage and strength beyond what I could imagine, and never gave up hope.

Brody was given life challenges that came with Jeune Syndrome(a very rare form of dwarfism), and beat the odds all along the way. He showed courage and happiness in the toughest times. We are so grateful to have known him. We wonder if Ian was a little happy to see his friend, and grateful his trial was through. We can bet they are being stinkers together and hope we will know if there is anything we can do to help make this road a little easier for his family. We are praying for them to feel great love and peace as they begin this journey to be with their son again. We were amazed by their strength and selflessness many times, the most recent being on Monday as the different medical teams prepared them for their last few days at home, they arranged for their family members to bring up the blankets they were working on for Ian's project. With tears in my eyes~ they gave us 30 blankets, all beautifully tied, all because of Ian. I tried to tell his dad that those could definitely be all because of Brody. He said, No way. Those are Ian's blankets. They are because of him! We are forever changed by this beautiful boy and his wonderful family. Please pray for them. We love you Brody, Amie, Joss & Kaybri.

All Because of Ian

2008-05-12T23:01:00.000-07:00

What do you get when you take 249 blankets, 1,070 bows, 64 coloring and kids reading books, 21 boxes of markers, 3 boxes of cleaning supplies and 172 loads worth of laundry detergent?

A very happy birthday boy.

For Ian’s birthday celebration we wanted to do something that everyone could participate in. So many people were involved in Ian’s fight, and he touched so many people. We knew that Ian wouldn’t just want people to be touched by him; he would want them to do something about it! Although these numbers of blankets and bows are impressive, the number of items don’t mean as much to us as the number of people that took time out of there lives to think of Ian, and then do something for others.

Jenn and I don’t know most of the names of people who helped in this project. We would love to be able thank each person by name, because this project has been such a huge success and will bless so many people just as we were blessed. We have felt close to Ian throughout this project and know that he has been close to others who have done so much for this cause. Hopefully that means more to those who have participated than a thank you from us.

I can’t help but see Ian’s smiling face when I think about what this project has become. I know he is happy when we strive to make others happy. Ian never had a selfish moment in his life. He had more reason to wallow in his problems than any of us, but he always had a smile on his face and a glisten in his eye as he spread happiness to all he encountered.

We stopped first at the ronald McDonald House to deliver cleaning supplies and books and bows and then met Joy from Child Life at Primary's for the blankets, more bows, books and crayons.

Here are a few pictures of the project.

Fun Stuff!

2008-05-07T07:38:00.001-07:00

I wanted to say thanks to everyone who helped Ian's day be a special one. We really appreciated the phone calls, messages, comments, cards, and e-mails. We really did have a good day here together.
We have been busy this week with Justin preparing for finals, and me and Emily getting ready for our trip to Washington D.C., and all of us finishing blankets and gathering stuff for our trip tp Primary's. We are excited to see some old faces that remind us of our special time we spent there.
I have also been busy starting a little vinyl lettering business with my sister Liz. We have been having lots of fun trying new projects and gathering some great fonts to use. We have a little blog to show some of our favorites for now. I will add a link to that so you can check it out if you'd like!
Busy is good, it works for me! Hope all is well!

We Love You Mister Guy

2008-05-01T08:53:00.001-07:00

We Love You Mister Guy!

2008-05-01T00:06:00.001-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IAN!!

We love our little guy so much and we are loving and missing him this special day. We asked Emily what she wants to do for his birthday....... she wants to tickle him! Emily gave Ian the nickname of Mister Guy just about a year ago and it has stuck ever since. We watched some videos of Emily and Ian laughing and reading books together. It didn't take her much effort to make Ian smile, laugh and kick his feet. Ian is our little man, we think of him daily and are so grateful for the lessons he taught us and example he is to us. We are grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who has a plan for our family and all His children. Our family is forever.

Spring at last!

2008-04-14T19:42:00.000-07:00

We were so excited for a weekend full of great weather! We barbecued every night because we knew it would only be a matter of time! The heat is turned all the way down, and the weatherman is predicting 40's for tomorrow....darn! We were just excited to see the sun for a while. Justin has had his theory about the last nice warm day outside being the day of Ian's funeral, and we were definitely grateful for that. We could've stayed out there at his park with him all day. Between hiding out with Ian at home last summer trying to keep him away from the germies, and being in the hospital day and night through the fall, Justin and I (and especially Emily) are ready for the sun to shine, and to walk around in the grass. I am also really excited for frisbee golf. That was the one family activity we all did together. Those are my favorite memories of getting to hold Ian for two hours straight while Justin chased Emily around Ross Park, thanks Justin! We are getting ready for Ian's memorial birthday celebration. We still need to drive around and collect some things, but we have about 100 blankets, a whole bunch of bows, so many cute stickers, and books. We have some laundry detergent for the Ronald McDonald houses, and coloring books too! We have been so grateful for everyone wanting to pitch in. I got my labels in the mail the other day. I can't wait to start sewing them on. They say
PCMC-Pediatric ICU
~Made with Love~
All Because of Ian
Cute, I know! I'll post a picture after I sew one on. We are planning on getting to Utah on May 10th, and we can gather things there then. We will hopefully be finished putting everything together by the next day, and deliver on Monday. Emily has requested to see a few special friends while we are there, so we are hoping to run into Sarah Burschett, Joy, and Suzanne. There are a bunch more, too. I was going to see if I could find a hook-up to get all of our favorites scheduled for the day shift on May 12th! That would be so great!!
Anyway, thanks again for everyone's support. We hope there are more sunshiny days ahead, and hopefully sooner than later!

~Pray for Gracie~

2008-04-02T18:16:00.001-07:00

I wanted to tell you about a beautiful baby named Gracie. She and her family are in about the same place we were last Conference weekend. They are on ECMO, and trying to come off this Friday. We have not met this family, but their story is so close to home for us, and they have touched our lives by their sweet manner in handling this tough situation. These little ones can do the best job of reminding us the real reasons we are here. Please say a little prayer for her and her family, and give your little ones an extra hug and kiss. We are so lucky to have them.

Miss Emily

2008-03-28T15:26:00.000-07:00

Emily was tagged by her little friend Easton about a month ago. So here are a few things that we love about her so much.

1. She is such a great dancer. Her Uncle Jason gave her a Strawberry Shortcake movie with a dance pad for her birthday. She does the strawberry shake like you've never seen! She's alo a great teacher, and if you ever asked, she'd love to show you how to stick your bum out and really shake it.

2. She is not shy at all. She love to play with everyone, big or small. Every Sunday we walk into church and she'll say-- ooh, let's it by him. He is about 75 years old, and hopefully happy to have a little 3 year old snuggle right up to him!

3. She wants to be everyone's friend. At the mall playplace, there was a girl who was yelling and pushing everyone. The first few minutes Emily acted scared of her. Then, she decided it was her job to make this girl be happy. She tried to talk to her and give her stickers and did not give up. She saw the girl smile once, and said-Mom, she's a little nice now. We can be all done.

4. She understands a lot and tells it like it is. She recently realized that if Ian is helping to do missionary work, he must be big like her missionaies Michael, and Grandma & Grandpa Pearson. She gets frustrated almost daily with the fact that this means she doesn't know what he looks like now. She also will tell any perfect stranger all about her baby Ian, and doesn't leave out any detail. She is proud of him and glad that he is her baby brother.

5. She is just great. She sings When he Comes Again, at all the right times, she tells us how much she misses Ian, and she tells us that we don't need to cry! She says, I'm sad because I miss Ian too, I just don't cry. After an emotional Easter sacrament meeting, she wraps her arms around Justin and I and squeeze us as tight as she can, and then sings really loud, We are a happy family! We love her and are so happy to be her parents!

Blankets & Bows!

2008-03-05T16:48:00.000-08:00

We are having lots of fun picking out fabric and making bows! I have run into a few people who have said they have made blankets as well, and I have already been given some beautiful hair bows. I am excited to take them down. I think we will take some of the bows to the Ronald McDonald Houses where they can set them out for the busy moms to just grab on the way out the door and put in their little ones hair. Hair was one thing of Emily's that definitely got neglected for a couple of months! So, I think the bows will be loved by many. Thanks again to everyone pitching in. It is fun to celebrate Ian in this way and I know he is smiling at his busy family trying to do a little more to celebrate his sweet little life. Thanks again.

Happy Heart Week!

2008-02-15T19:37:00.001-08:00

Along with Valentine's Day, this week is CHD Awareness week (congenital heart disease). We have definitely been made aware of this tough situation that many families deal with each day. CHD's occur once in about every 125 births, making it the most common birth defect. There is so much to be learned about these conditions, and a support group that reached out to us is called the Intermountain Healing Hearts. They are doing a great job to get the word out and supporting families along the way.
As a family, Justin, Emily and I would like to extend an invitation to help us celebrate CHD week, Valentine's Day, and preparations for Ian's birthday. From this week through May 1st, Ian's birthday~ we are going to be working on several projects to donate to PCMC and the Ronald McDonald house & apartment complex in honor of Ian and his sweet memory. Our list is rough, but here are our ideas:
From Ian- Boy Blankets(our nurses would search high and low to find a blanket for his bed that didn't have flowers)!
Books- Ian's favorite was a book from Primary's called A Color of His Own, which his nurses would even read to him when we weren't there during shift change!
From Emily- Stickers, Stickers, Stickers! Joy in Child Life, had a new page of stickers for Emily every time she came in. Our last month at Primary's, Emily preferred to be at the hospital for 8 hours a day rather than away from her Ian. Joy would keep her entertained with coloring books, dolls, crafts, and markers. We loved having our family in the same room together and through the generous donations and kind staff, they could make that happen for us quite often!
Hair Bows- I'll post a picture, but I just thought it would be fun to make a lot of these hair bows and let Joy distribute them to sisters, or girl patients who need a cute litte hair bow. I learned to make them if you wanted to donate ribbon, or come help make them, it would all be great!
From us: We just wanted to mention how helpful it was for us to take advantage of the Ronald McDonald House Charities in SLC. We will be taking down several items such as cleaning solutions, lightbulbs, laundry soap, things that you need to run any household. You can go to their website and see the many ways which you can contribute. http://www.rmhcslc.org/
We also wanted to let you know about the Intermountain Healing Hearts @ http://www.intermountainhealinghearts.org/ They also accept donations and do a great deal to support local families get through their tough hospital stays, as well as support them through their new lives.
If you would like to join us in anything, just let us know. We will make this a 2 month project and celebrate Ian's birthday by donating it all in his memory. We are grateful for the kind and loving hearts which we are touched by each day of our lives and thank you all for looking out for our family and showing how much you care.

A New Year

2008-01-10T09:56:00.000-08:00

We are looking forward to this new year. We had a great holiday with friends & family. We spent a lot of time thinking about our Ian, and came up with some ways that we could always remember & keep him a part of our earthly family. Our sister Anne took these family photos for us, and we loved that she included Ian in our family as a little sparkle of light! He really is a light to us, and we continue to appreciate the precious moments we spent with him.
Emily started pre-school last week, and loves Miss Sherri! It is nice for me that she gets some of her social bug out of her, and learns to take instruction from others. To share just a little about her healing process, Emily asked us the other day in a frustrated tone, "Mom, can Heavenly Father pick us up to go see Ian for 5 minutes? I loved that she said that, and told her she could ask that question herself. Every question is cuter coming from a 2 year old!
Justin has been working and starts school on Monday. I have enjoyed spending extra time with him and am really grateful that we have each other in these times. I lean on him a lot and always know that he will make time for me and all of my craziness.
I am making the adjustment of having 2 kids which I hadn't actually adjusted to yet, to only Emily. Some days feel a little less than fulfilled. We are trying to get there. As difficult as I thought it was being home with the 2, and not quite feeling like I was ever meeting all their needs, I so miss the feeling of being loved by the both of them! I try and come up with a new 'plan' everyday to keep busy, or feel useful, or whatever it is that I think I'm trying to fix.
We have to laugh a little as we have learned more about ourselves, and about each other. We know there is a plan greater than ours and try and remember to do our part as best we know how.

A Heart for Kaidence!!

2007-12-22T20:59:00.001-08:00

We are so excited to post that our little friend Kaidence is waiting for her new heart to arrive in Salt Lake right now. This is such great news, and such a blessing for our friends. We feel so close to this situation and all the emotions that come with it. It's almost as hard to find a breath now as it was when it was our own pager going off. There are so many wonderful blessings in life. Even in the worst of situations. We are grateful for the Stephenson's and the strong example they have been to us. We will be praying for them through this happiest most difficult night. I wish we could be there with them, it is truly an experience to be surrounded by the joyest of joys in the midst of trial. We hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday and enjoying the small happinesses we are given each day.

Happy holidays

2007-12-16T15:12:00.000-08:00

We have been keeping pretty busy for the past month. Christmas is just about here and Emily loves it just about as much as her mom. We have been to a couple of Christmas parties and stay busy doing lots of stuff together. I don't have school until the 14th of January and just have work part time until then back at Wells Fargo. I just wanted to post a few pictures of our holiday activities and Emily helping Grandpa get ready to lay some tile! Such a helper! Last night we took emily to Grandma and Grandpa Davenport's Christmas party where Emily was so excited to see Santa. The singing ended and Santa emerged and Emily waited in line with uncle michael for 10 minutes even just to go sit on his lap and tell him about the mickey mouse stickers she saw in the store that day. She sat down on his lap and talked to him and answered all his questions about if she was a good girl or not. She came down from seeing him ,and looked back over her shoulder as she heard him laugh and chuckled to herself, "grandpa......". He may have fooled a lot of kids last night but he couldn't fool his grand-daughter. On the way home she continued to think about the situation and asked us if grandpa was still going to live at grandma's house now that he was santa's helper!! She keeps us smiling as much as always, if not more, and still drives us crazy plenty too. She is happy and talks about her little Ian many times a day. We both appreciate and love that she making sure we don't forget our little guy and loves him as much as we do. She says her prayers at night and still always prays for Ian and this morning prayer she said thank you that Ian wasn't in the hospital anymore and thanked that he could be in heaven. Mom and dad are both doing pretty good. We love reading books about eternal progression and learning and talking about the salvation and future of little children. We obviously have our hard days but overall we are happy and greatful for our great kids.

Disneyland day 1

2007-11-16T21:28:00.000-08:00

Well let's just say that I am writing this post alone because both of my girls are asleep and it is only 9:30. We had a great day at Disneyland and Emily had tons of fun, ok mom and dad did too. All in one day we spent about 10 hours doing 2 year old rides, met with 5 disney characters rode on the dumbo ride multiple times, sang Christmas songs all day long and still managed to sneek in a nap! Emily was sweet on the dumbo ride, she wanted to go higher, closer to heaven so Ian can hear us!! She would shout up to him throughout the day, "we sure love you Ian!" and "have fun up there!" and our personal favorite, "You sure are a great little brother Ian!" Yes Emily, he is.

Joy in our Journey

2007-11-11T20:25:00.000-08:00

We want to somehow begin to say thanks to the several people who have offered our family so much love and support through this year. We plan on writing several thank you cards, but in the meantime wanted to make sure everyone knows how extremely grateful we feel for such a strong support system. We have been so touched by the many friends-old & new, family members and perfect strangers that have reached out to help us through this trying time for us.
We feel so grateful to be a part of the gospel which offers us peace and hope. I know I get to hold my sweet Ian again, and I know until then, he is working hard, doing a little thrashing! I can't wait to see him and will try to completely enjoy my journey back to him. I guess I've been a big fan of long, hard races in the past and this will have to remain my way of thinking. (though I don't care to run 26 miles anytime soon)!
I remembered quoting something on our first blog about journey's. I think it is stil appropriate, it said, "We are taking the good with the bad, and learning plenty in between. Growth is endless and our lives change and change us beyond anticipation. We cannot sift experience and take only the parts that do not hurt. But life is all about the journey, and the joy we can find along the way. We chose to use this blog as a way for us to reflect and share our families little journey through life. We are kind of silly, and also kind of dramatic about our day to day activities! So, take these little excerpts from us for whatever you may!"
I guess this is the beginning of our new way of life blog. We're still silly, and we're still kind of dramatic. We have a little different perspective on life, and hope to always hold close the lessons that Ian was so willing to let us learn.

Our sweet little Ian

2007-11-02T09:28:00.000-07:00

Ian Mackay Pearson returned to the loving arms of his Heavenly Father, November 1, 2007, after a valiant fight to overcome complications from heart surgeries. In six sweet months, Ian has changed our lives, turned our hearts, and accomplished all that was required of him. Being a part of little Ian’s life was the greatest experience as he taught us to smile, to love, and to understand what parts of this life truly are important. As his parents, we feel grateful for the love and support that has been continually offered to us through this time. We will always hold a place in our hearts for the many people who cared for our sweet little Ian at the Primary Children’s Hospital in Salt Lake. They have touched our lives with a love and perspective that will forever inspire our little family. Ian is survived by his parents, Justin and Jenn Pearson and his favorite big sister, Emily. A funeral will be held at 11:00 a.m. on Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at the University 2nd Stake Center located at 1701 Bartz Way, in Pocatello, Idaho. A viewing will be held one hour prior to the services. We love you mister Ian!

Lots of Prayers

2007-10-30T19:11:00.000-07:00

We had a really rough ending to a really good morning. Ian's daily ultrasound today showed that he has a bleed in his head, which is one of the main concerns with ECMO. Our time is running very short, and so they tried to wean down and get off the machine today. It unfortunately didn't happen. Neurosurgery isn't too concerned that we come off immediately, so they are going to let Ian rest tonight and try again in the morning. The bleed that he got isn't the 'usual' kind. It usually takes place in the middle of the brain, the ventricle. Ian's is subdural, so under some protective layers, and on top of the brain. We are obviously grateful for that, otherwise they would have taken him off whether he would have made it through or not. Cardiology is very concerned, because once there is a bleed, and we're hepernized, it is only going to get worse. We need his lungs in a state that they can come off SOON. We just did another x-ray and haven't heard much, but it was at about 6:30 when the trial failed, so I don't think they are expecting them to look too great for now. I think we will do a bronch with surfactant in the morning to give him the best chance of coming off of ECMO tomorrow. Please, please say extra prayers for our family tonight and tomorrow. Our sweet Ian has made it through so much, and this is definitely bigger than all that he's gone through this far.

Good day!

2007-10-29T21:04:00.000-07:00

We have a new team this week. One of the first things Dr. Zebrack said was that she wants Ian to stay fluid neutral because he seems a bit dry. I said- oh, good, we can be friends then. I was glad to hear that we don't have to do that rollercoaster ride again. We met with a paliative care team today to make sure that the communication improves and that we get all of our needs resolved. They were great. Justin and I talked with them for a couple of hours. They are a team of a physician, a nurse, social worker, chaplain, and child life specialist. They want to make sure that families feel completely comfortable and understanding in a life-threatening situation. The best part is, of all evenings in the past week, this night feels the least life-threatening. I even heard a couple of doctors say that we are looking really good. Leaps and bounds from what we heard last week. His bronch went well, and his lungs look better aerated, which made a pleural effusion visible. Tomorrow they will determine by a chest ultrasound if it is enough to risk tapping it when he is on ECMO and anti-coagulated. He also has a superbug, psuedomonas, in his lungs. This is a bug that is unfortuately resistant to meds. So, that is a tough situation- but they are confident that we can control it. He is having a little bit of chyle coming from his pd cath, which tells us that he isn't digesting the fats in the breastmilk so it accumulates in the chest area and isn't safe for him. So, they put him on a non-fat formula called portagen. It was so much fun to hear the doctors debating this. The cardiac fellow said he would rather deal with a little chyle(he was only draining a small amount)- and get the antibodies from breastmilk, than risk losing those but getting rid of the fluid. It helped me to feel very useful, and a like a regular mom for a little bit- you know, the moms that get to contribute to their children's well-being. It was kind of silly how excited that made me, especially since I'm getting so tired of it after 6 months, I guess I really needed the motivation.
So, overall it was a pretty good day. We feel confindent about the new doctors this week, we have our care conference tomorrow and will ask everything we can think of. We even actually left Emily with Grandma & Grandpa Pearson tonight, and said goodnight. We usually have to sneak out, but she did good and it was so nice to feel like we weren't betraying her. It was most refreshing. So, we have a lot to be grateful for tonight. We should sleep good, and be very prepared for our conference.

Oh how we love Emily!

2007-10-28T21:54:00.000-07:00

This has been a rough few months for our sweet Emily. She has handled being uprooted and handed off every few days so well and puts up with moody parents day in and day out. She loves being at the hospital with us and Ian and cries when we have to leave. She makes projects in the playroom and always remembers to make one for Ian and sometimes even for others she has met here in the PICU (she knows just about everybody, kinda like her mom). She knows all the right people and gets a sushlee (slushee) almost everyday. She got a hair cut with mom the other day and she did really good and thought it was a lot of fun. Ian had a pretty good night, he needed a little fluid but his x-ray (and this was from the doctors) looked awesome!

October 27,2007

2007-10-27T22:32:00.000-07:00

So, the plan was unfortunately, a little too agressive. Ian ended up dehydrated and needed 900 cc's of extra fluid yesterday. We are back to square one, and pretty discouraged. We did another bronch today with surfactant, and will do one on Monday as well. We have a care conference Tuesday and will see what the new plan is. We love our little Ian so much and pray that only the best will happen for him. We have faith in the blessings Ian has been given and know that he, no matter what, is going to be okay. We feel completely humbled as his parents, by the opportunity to be at his side through all of this, and are amazed at his strength. Thank you so much for the support and prayers in our behalf. We truly appreciate everyone supporting us in all the different ways that you have. We know more prayers are said for us than we can ever realize. I promise you, that is what gets us through many days. We have been touched by the ways that people have shown us their love and hope everyone checking on us knows how much our family appreciates the support.
I heard our ward did a great job contributing to Pennies by the Inch, and that made me so happy. Justin and I are so lucky to have great insurance through Wells Fargo, that we don't even have to worry about our rent payment right now. Unfortunately, so many other families here have a ton of worries. If anyone is looking for something more to do besides the much appreciated prayers and advice, you can always do something to contribute to the hospital. There is a huge gift shop at the Festival of Trees down here that you can make crafts, jewelry, blankets, toys, anything you can think of. They sell them during the event and then all the money goes to the hospital and to other families without great situations. You can also make blankets for the hospital. They go through them so fast because they have to wash them so much, and they really add a nice baby touch to the hospital beds. This would help us in a way because we see families struggle so much here, and have limited resources to make a ton of difference for them. Anyone willing can let us know and we'll get you info or you can call the PCMC operator and they will have info as well. The # is 801-662-1000. Thanks again for the support and friendship.

Not without a fight

2007-10-25T21:43:00.001-07:00

We know Ian is a tough kid who is not going to give up this mortal fight easily. Justin and I felt like we've begun fighting a little more this week than we've had to in the past. We were just not on board with our new doctors plans this week. Each Monday a new PICU cardiology attending comes on to take the place of the past one, who is rightfully tired. We feel like each one has a new idea, and is gung-ho about it for the first few days, and then Ian spends the next three to four days recovering from the plan. It makes sense that part of his stiffness and non-compliance could be from fluid overload.For the third week. we listened to the doctors great idea to agressively pull fluids off and see if that helps. The problem is after 2-3 days of being 200cc's negative, Ian stops tolerating it and we spend 3-4 days giving him so much fluid back that he ends up positive each day. When we heard the 'new' plan, we fought and fought against it. It is a great idea, but we can't start over for a 3rd week and see no improvement. We had conversation after conversation trying to ask if we could be a little less agressive each day so it would take 5 or so days to get all of the fluid off instead of taking the risk of doing it in 2. It seems like a good idea to us, but we could not convince the doctors.
So, we braced ourselves, and hoped and prayed that the plan would work. A combination of fluid loss, another bronch today(this time with surfactant), we actually have a bit of improvement. (Whew)!
To our frustration, Ian's kidneys have taken a hit from not having to work while we were pulling off so much fluid and his BUN # which indicates dehydration is on the rise. They are not as high as previous weeks of the same procedures though, so everyone thinks in a matter of days allowing him to finally be fluid neutral we should see these get better. So, we all learned some lessons.
We learned that fluid loss is a necessary step, all the doctors were on the right track in the past, it was just a matter of timing, and they all felt they needed to give Ian the chance to get the fluids off each different time they tried. The doctors learned that Justin and I are paying lots of attention, and that we want some opinion in Ian's care. We don't understand everything about medicine, but are going to fight to give Ian his best chance of recovery. We feel relieved that we made it through the fluid negative stage without too much complication and hope that we can continue to see small improvements each day. We've been told too many times this week that it'll be a miracle if Ian can come off of ECMO. I remain stubborn and take their opinion as more motivation(after other angry frustrated emotions).

October 23, 2007

2007-10-23T21:19:00.000-07:00

We had our bronch yesterday. It went well, they were able to spend all the time they needed and keep Ian supported well. They didn't get a ton of stuff out which I think was a little discouraging. If there were mucous plugs holding up the progress, that would have been the easiest to fix. Unfortunately we just have sick, stiff lungs. We are on day 14 of this respiratory ECMO run and I think the doctors expect us to be a little further along by now. I don't ever want to give up on Ian, I am just having a hard time seeing him this way still after 4 weeks. I just want to make it all better. Emily asks daily if Ian could please come home, and we can't help but share her frustration. Our doctors are getting close to the end of their options, and we are getting more and more humbled. We know this is not in man's hand anymore and only pray for more hope, more miracles, more faith, and more understanding.

Some more pictures

2007-10-21T19:06:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to show a little picture of our sweet guy. He is really hanging in there. We had a rough night, but the doctors are still trying to do everything they can. Right now the plan is to try another bronchoscopy tomorrow sometime. We hope all goes well, and that we can get on a little smoother road to recovery. Thanks for the continued support through prayers and everything you are doing. We feel very lucky to know how much strength we can recieve from those around us.

"Beautiful, cold, rainy fall day"

2007-10-20T21:02:00.000-07:00

Today was a pretty rough day. Not for Ian, he was pretty rock solid-but for Jenn and I. We attended Jack's funeral this morning and that was pretty hard. It was a beautiful service. His parents looked so good and it was great to see the peace in them that we know they feel. They both spoke and bore such beautiful testimonies of the plan of salvation. The title of this post is from Jack's mom as she bore her testimony. (it was really cold and rainy in salt lake today and she still called it beautiful) If that wasn't a sober enough start of the day we came back to the hospital in time to find out that we lost another heart buddy of Ian's. Baby Luke who has been in the PICU for 4 months. Luke's family and Jack's family were pretty close, aparently, because their sons were close too. We send our love to them and their families and just wish there was something we could say or do for them. This is a pretty sad place and we are just so grateful for the blessings Ian has recieved and recognize the miracles that have happened so far for our little guy.

October 19,2007

2007-10-19T19:06:00.000-07:00

We have had 3 great days in a row! He is getting skinny again as they pull off his extra fluid he got over the weekend with the pump cutting out. A great thing that happened overnight is the new circuit was good for his hands, they are pink. His right hand has been ice cold and purple for 2 days. I so much enjoyed telling every doctor who came in and seeing their reaction. The best by far was our plastic surgeon following us. He picked up his hand and asked, what happened? The nurses said nothing, and he asked again, what happened, it was ice cold? It was so much fun! We still have about 6 black fingertips, but a few are just the very very tips.
So, the plan is- let him rest over the weekend on the new pump that takes awhile for the body to adjust to. Each time they put in the new plastic cannulas, they release toxins that the body has to deal with. This usually is a bit of a setback. So, they will do a trial off of ECMO on Monday. Oh yeah, another very exciting thing. To change out the circuit, they clamp the original cannulas- meaning Ian is getting no support. This took about 3 minutes, he didn't desat, have a change in blood pressure, or get any extra fluid to help sustain his vitals. Great news! 2 days prior when they tried a bronchoscopy, they had to abort after 15 seconds because of these things. Also, the first time we trialed off of ECMO post-transplant, we de-satted after 30 seconds. So, we could technically say he has passed his first trial! We are going for a nice restful weekend for the little man.

Emily and Ian

2007-10-18T21:06:00.000-07:00

October 18, 2007

2007-10-18T14:45:00.000-07:00

Things are moving along. Ian is getting a new ECMO circuit today, just a fresh one without any clots. It will hopefully help blood flow better to his fingers and toes. His right hand is pretty purple, and knowing he'll be on ECMO a while longer, the doctors don't want him to lose it. They are doing everything they can to help us and we appreciate all of our care. We love our nurses, doctors, nurse practitioners, everyone. They take all of this personally, and when we have a bad day they do also. They called a care conference for Justin and I which mostly scared us. Those are usually for tough info to be shared. They were just giving us the courtesy of being with everyone and asking all of the questions we could think of. They talked about the huge risks of infection and bleeding that we are facing as we wait on ECMO for his lungs to heal. We wondered if he is immune to those risks by now, since this is his 4th run of ECMO- which we have been informed has never in the world been done. Since they don't know what happens on a fourth run, we figure it could be possible. The doctors all laughed, and commented that we seem overly optimistic, but want us to understand the reality of what's going on. We assured them we do know, we also know the doctors have done everything possible. We still know our Father has a plan for our family. We still don't claim to know the plan but continue to have faith and feel peace and comfort.
Knowing all we do, we wondered if everyone could keep our friends in your prayers. We have met some dear families here, 2 of which lost their baby boys this past week. Baby Jack, and Baby Milton, left the arms of their sweet families to return to our Heavenly Father. We miss them and their sweet families and hope that they know the love we all have felt for them.

Tough questions

2007-10-16T14:14:00.001-07:00

Emily and I went grocery shopping today, she helped me make quite the list of "essentials." When we were done she wanted to call Ian's room, so we called and Justin answered. She said she wanted to talk to Ian's nurse. Justin gave Susan the phone, and she got quite an earful. First thing, Emily says, Is Ian all better? Then she asked, is he okay? Are you going to fix him? Can I take him home now? Justin said Susan didn't know what to say- she just kept saying, ohhh. So, there are the million dollar questions from a protective 2-year old sister that misses her baby.
Ian is showing small signs of lung improvement, the heart continues to do well which is a bigger deal than it seems right now. Since we worry so much about his overall health, we don't realize what a blessing it is that his new heart and him are getting along just fine. We are so happy that he is still stable on ECMO and any sign of improvement is great for right now.

Whew!

2007-10-15T13:49:00.000-07:00

Ian has had quite a weekend. Our first few days on ECMO were unventful which means good. For some reason yesterday his pump kept cutting out, and they couldn't get a good flow. His chest also lost its bounce which is what shows that his lungs are compiant to the oscillator, and the nurses couldn't find pulses in any of his limbs. We were pretty discouraged, and feeling so bad for Ian. This morning we were awakened by our nurse telling us to hurry in so they could open his chest and see if they could move his cannulas to prevent further complications. The surgeons decided to take action after a day and a half of this because his x-ray showed that his right lung was collapsed. We brought Emily in her jammies and sat through the procedure together. Everything went well. There was actually fluid around the heart and so it wasn't a collapsed lung, he has pulses now, his blood pressure is great, and it looks like we snuck through another scare. We continue to be grateful for all the love and support that is offered, and know that we are so incredibly blessed. Not only for Ian's strengths, but Emily's as well. We told her why we were rushing to the hospital and she says, that's okay mom. The doctors can try one more time to fix his lungs. Ian will be safe. I tell ya, we have 2 great kids.

October 12, 2007

2007-10-12T14:37:00.001-07:00

Ian is hanging in there. He is stable on ECMO. He hasn't needed too many blood products and his lungs are getting the rest they need. The doctors this week are just trying to make sure they stay appropriately inflated. They said in about a week they will switch him from the oscillator to the conventional vent so they can see if the lungs are capable of any work on their own. Usually when they say a week, they get excited after about a few days. Justin and I won't be suprised at all if they do something this weekend to test him a little. We really feel like his little body just needs a break from all the procedures he's been through.
Our nurse last night said he must be fighting for something, because she thought it was crazy that he has endured all the surgeries he's been through the past two weeks.
Isn't it fun to hear good things about your kids! Speaking of kids, that Emily, I tell ya- I guess she has a cavity. Ice cream for 2nd breakfast is starting to catch up to us! Does anyone know a good dentist in the Salt Lake area? We are going to take a trip next week.
Now that Justin and I have had a day or two alone with Ian, we sure are missing that girl. When we talk to her on the phone she always asks, Is Ian a little better now? We tell her that he definitely is.
Oh, one more exciting thing- we moved into the Ronald McDonald apartment complex. We actually have an address and phone number. I enjoyed the short term housing we were in, but I can't wait to make microwave popcorn and eat it in my living room!

Lungs

2007-10-10T18:26:00.000-07:00

Ian had a rough day. His lungs are not functioning, they are like bricks. The oscillator was at the max settings and he couldn't get rid of his CO2. He is getting air pockets around the lungs now, and unfortunately our last chance is ECMO. They are setting everything up right now and hoping that a few days to weeks will give Ian's lungs enough time to heal. Sorry we haven't returned phone calls, we sent Emily to her aunt's house tonight and just need some alone time with mister Ian. We're grateful for Dr. Kouretas who wasn't as intimidated by this step as his colleagues were. He's really pulling for us, as we know many others are.

Good Riddens! ECMO is gone.

2007-10-08T14:49:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to update real quick. We haven't felt much like posting bad news the past few days, and today we actually have good news! We came off of ECMO yesterday somewhere between 11:00-2:00, I think. It was a wild day. We are so grateful for this great improvement. It was coming right down to the wire. Ian had an embolic stroke, most likely as a result of him needing CPR for 7 minutes after transplant. He didn't get enough oxygen to his brain and probably has a clot. There is swelling around the right side of his brain and he has been having seizures as a result. The anti-seizure meds weren't working because there isn't a lot of data about drugs and ECMO. They couldn't tell how much of the dose was being taken out by the machine. He also has suffered poor circulation to his hands and feet as a result of ECMO. They were aware of these problems and tried to come off ECMO Saturday but it only lasted about 30 seconds. Saturday night he had 2 more seizures and they found what they thought might be a bleed in the brain. These were the reasons they really needed to try and get him off again. They decided to do another bronchoscopy to clear the lungs and try again. Amazingly, and to everyones surprise- we made it! We are on a stronger ventilator called an oscillator and at very high settings there, but it was a great trade as far as we're concerned. So here is a picture of the machine and all of Ian's equipment. We'll post a closer up one soon. We're just working on kidney fuunction today, which will help to get fluids away from the lungs and help them to function. When we can get him off the breathing assistance, we can let him wake up, and hold him. I am so excited that we can actually see that in the not too distant future. We're obviously very grateful for these huge steps Ian has taken this weekend. We are glad to have been comforted, even when we felt like we didn't want it, or wouldn't find it anyway. Through persistence of family, friends and even perfect strangers(now friends), we made it through another toughest week ever.

Some positives!

2007-10-04T08:46:00.000-07:00

Today has been a good day already. We were supposed to take another trip to cath lab to figure out a few things. But that got cancelled.
Ian has some gradient pressure around the aortic arch where his arch meets the new hearts aorta. They were worried about this needing reconstructed, which he had that surgery when he was born on his original heart. They found that his pulmonary veins in his lungs are smaller than they should be which could be the reason he had his first severe pulmonary hemorrhage in May. This could also play a role in the fact that his heart sounded in better shape than it was. The veins weren't carrying the blood back to his heart appropriately so, though his aortic valve was a little stenosed, it may have been more of a combination of things. Apparently when he had his huge surgery to replace his valve last week, they realized the aortic valve wasn't really too insufficient. They didn't understand how the function of the heart was so bad when the valve really wasn't in as bad of shape as they thought. So, realizing this about the veins gives them insight how, which is nice to know the whole picture.
So, instead of cath lab, they came in and explored his chest, taking measurements of the gradient and looking at his lungs. Our surgeon is so great to communicate with us and made sure to tell us what things are very positive for now.
First, it is the fact that he has accepted his new heart well. They will possibly balloon the arch after he comes off of ECMO- which is the next very positive thing. He thinks he will come off of ECMO this weekend, isn't that great! His lungs are very wet, but have improved in the fact that they actually expand now. He thinks a couple more days of ECMO should give him all the support he will need. All the life support he will need, what a wonderful blessing!
We so much appreciate all the support we've been given. Thanks so much for checking on us and giving us a few words of encouragement. We loved hearing from the Fisher's and leaning on their strength for a while. It's so nice to know that we're not alone, and others have been where we are. We really appreciate the perspective they shared and are learning to agree that the outcome of suffering can be greater than the outcome of healing.

2nd Recovery- Day 1

2007-10-03T11:10:00.000-07:00

I figured it was about time for an update. I think the easiest way to relate our days events is a timeline.
8:00 pm- They took Ian to OR for preparation.
9:45 pm- Ian was on heart lung bypass and the old heart was out- the new heart was minutes away. (Weird feeling)
11:10 pm- The new heart is in, beating and working beautifully, they begin to try and take Ian off of bypass
12:30 am- Ian is off bypass, there is a little bleeding, which is common and they are giving him medications and adjusting his vent settings to help his lungs.
2:00- Our doctor informs us that Ian is bleeding a significant amount which is similar to what he went through the first time he had surgery. She is concerned and they are having a hard time getting him to stop.
3:00- Longest hour of our lives. He is done bleeding, they are just working on getting him to the OR on a regular vent.
4:00- Dr. Kouretas briefs us about surgery. He is concerned about his lung but doesn't think he can go on ECMO because of the bleeding issues it would be too risky. They will do more agressive treatments in the PICU to help his lungs, he says we can go in there in 30 minutes.
4:20- Dr. Everitt(transplant coordinator) finds us to tell us that Ian has been coding(cardiac arrest) for a few minutes and they are having a hard time managing his compressions and invites us to his bedside.
4:25- After 7 minutes of compressions they have Ian 'stable.'
4:45- Ian has pulmonary edema and goes back into cardiac arrest. It was a crazy place to be as they decide they have to try to get him on ECMO which means priming the pump and getting the cannulas re-inserted. For about 45 minutes three doctors took turns pumping Ian's heart for him while they got the machine up and going. They had to give him so much volume to keep his blood pressure up and successfully got him on ECMO for his 3rd time, which hopefully is a charm.
6:00- They are fine-tuning all the settings and trying to bring his pressures up and getting him on more medications.
Justin and I settled down for a 2 hour 'nap' around 7, and went back to check on Ian. He is puffier than before and going through a tough recovery. They are hoping that he only needs ECMO for 2-7 days to give the lungs a break. They wonder if he got enough oxygen to his brain during the transition period to ECMO. Justin and I thought they did a great job of keeping the blood flowing. They were so tired afterward and we couldn't thank them enough for helping him so much. It was a tough night after so much anxiety for such a wonderful night. The doctors feel he is stable today and we just have to wait and keep him in tight parameters in the meantime. He can't have visitors- he is now on the immunosupressent drugs so that he doesn't reject the heart, which by the way is working well. Probably after the first few touch and go days, Justin and I would appreciate a visit or two, but for now we are just trying to pull together and recover a little also.

Bittersweet

2007-10-02T12:10:00.000-07:00

We are so excited we can't think straight, and at the same time trying to understand how our special donor family is feeling today. Yesterday I think I could have understood, or even a few hours ago. The thing about this rollercoaster ride is forgetting the hard parts so fast or completely blocking them out. We hope you will all join us in praying for this family. They were so brave and sweet to have made this choice in the grimmest of situations. They were also kind enough to donate all organs which helps save up to 7 babies.
Since the heart is needed to help the other organs survive, it is the last to be removed. So our doctors will be leaving in the next couple of hours to retrieve the heart. They take a leer jet, so they can go real fast. In the meantime, the doctors take Ian to OR and basically undo what they did yesterday, open the chest up again and swith the cannulas back to the heart. I tell you, this little guy has been through it all. They figure that transplant will start around 8 or 9. We will try to make sure that we update somehow and want you all to know how much we appreciate every thought, prayer and kind action on our family's behalf.

It was just a regular morning....

2007-10-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody, did you all have a good morning? Any exciting news while you were getting dressed? We had some good news while we were getting ready. My beeper that I didn't think even worked went off. Ian got a heart. The surgeon will leave to get it in just a few hours and the other surgeons will be here getting Ian ready. It is going to be a long evening, and Dr. Kuretas says it still is a little more risky than your standard transplant because of the ECMO and one lung not being up to 100%, but he feels good about the heart. He also said he is very encouraged by the progress that was made with his lung just over night. We are so grateful to all of you who have been fasting or praying for us. Ian is just so close and fighting so hard and if there was ever a time he needs some prayers, it's today. We know Heavenly Father loves us is watching over our little family. We love you and thank you so much.

Keep the Faith

2007-10-01T19:25:00.000-07:00

So, this is a tough day. We have been thinking a lot about prayer and miracles and we aren't all that knowledgable despite everyone's thoughts that we must be so strong to be dealing with this. It's easy to be hard on ourselves and get down. We were comforted by Justin's brother and his sweet family. It's easy to be our not perfect selves around them and know how much they love us anyway. Sometimes Justin and I think the only way to get Ian's miracle is if we are perfect, which luckily isn't exactly true. In the Ensign, probably last month's(we are quite behind) there is a story about a lady who was praying for her son to be healed and wanted to learn all she could about faith so she could have it in the perfect form and her son wouldn't have to live with his disability. So she learned, prayer is not asking for what you want, or demanding, but willingly aligning your will with Heavenly Father's. As much faith as we have that Heavenly Father can do things the doctors can't, we want our wills to align rather than demand our miracle in the form we desire. Not that we are 100% on board, (I am really stubborn) but we feel like we can get there and that makes this journey a lot more manageable.

Back to Cath Lab

2007-10-01T13:45:00.000-07:00

Our epi challenge didn't go as well as Justin and I hoped, but mostly what the doctors expected. We were glad that they had the hope to at least try. Ian's one week out from surgery so his chest has been open about as long as they like to leave them. The risk for infection increases greatly after a week. If we get an infection we have to come off of the transplant list which we don't have time for. So, the new plan is to change his ecmo circuit cannulas to the neck instead. To do this, we have to make sure that the left atrium can drain into the right, because he has an LV drain right now. So, we go to cath lab and they create and ASD, which Ian was born with, but they repaired it in his first heart surgery. Tough luck. I figured there wasn't much risk since the heart already isn't working, but I guess the risk comes in trying to get him downstairs with all of his machinery. They keep him on a paralytic right now because even a little bit of wiggling can dislodge the cannulas in the chest and cause problems. They figure it will take them one hour and 7 people just to walk around the corner to the elevator and go downstairs.
If this works, and they are able to close Ian's chest soon, we will have a little longer time frame to wait for a heart. The risk of closing is creating too much pressure in the chest area. His heart swelled a lot after surgery and is closing the left bronchus right now, which is the airway to the lung- so the left lung is not working, making all the pressure go to the right. They don't want to compound this problem by closing the chest but have to weigh the risk of infection as well. Sounds like we are between a rock and a hard place now. The doctors keep giving us hope and one idea after another as long as we don't have bleeding or other complications. Thanks for the continued prayers. We really need them and do appreciate the support. We are trying to learn everything we can from this experience and trying to understand faith and prayer as best as we can figure out. It's tough to see Ian like this and I ask constantly if the nurses are sure he isn't hurting. It's just weird that with the paralytic we have no way to know if he is awake or asleep. He always looks the same. We try to touch him and talk to him a lot so if he is awake he at least knows we are here even though he can't see us.

Oh boy.

2007-09-29T17:11:00.000-07:00

We've heard some of the hardest news today from our cardiologist, and wondered what it is that we are supposed to be deciding and learning and doing for our little Ian. We don't know. We are holding out for his miracle and feeling like we are the only ones left in the hospital with this hope. Then our doctor Madoline Witte came and talked to us about some research she has done about kids withIan's exact situation, heart failure for one month prior to the big surgery and then ecmo. There are only 8-9 cases that she can find. She found one that went as long as 42 days and still had a successful transplant. As long as Ian doesn't hit any complications she is willing to keep doing what we are doing. This was the sweetest thing we've heard all day. They are also trying to up his weight range for transplant after Justin and I had a plea for that.
So, here we are, desperate as ever, hoping and hoping for some good news. We have an amazing support group and since it is actually fast Sunday anyway, we wondered if you could all support our cause again. Ian needs strength and one great miracle as they are going to try to challenge his heart tomorrow by turning down his ecmo and seeing if it triggers any electrical activity. We know it is a long shot, but we know how far Heavenly Father can get us there. We also still can't quite figure out His plan for our little family(not that I think we should have). But, Justin and I also really need some strength. No form of preparation can prepare us for the glimpses of sorrow we've seen these past couple of days. We don't know what is in store for us, we know Heavenly Father can do anything in His plan, and we hope that if our plan and His don't match up that we will still be able to see our miracle and Ian's. Please join us tomorrow and invite anyone that you'd like. We love you and don't worry we told Ian how this is going to go down, too. He's saving all he has for tomorrow.

A few pictures

2007-09-29T08:13:00.000-07:00

We thought about posting current pictures, but we decided to post these instead. These were taken on Sunday before his surgery.

Ian's peein!

2007-09-28T21:02:00.000-07:00

Well, this was a trying day. Sometimes we feel like we aren't very honest with this blog because we only feel like writing when things are good/better, but this is a rollercoaster for us and I guess we are grateful there are some good times.
When we came in this morning Ian's BP was in the 30's, he wasn't making urine, his left lung looked full of fluid, and his ECMO circuit(machine acting as Ian's heart) was cutting out/not working, and the surgeon wanted to open up the membrane covering his chest and explore the reason he has been draining 60 cc's of blood down his neck for days now. Well, there you have it- the reasons we haven't returned calls, blogged, or smiled most of the day. I was feeling selfish to put him through all of this to get him to transplant where he has another huge surgery with a lifetime of possible complications because I want my little boy back.
And I feel selfish to not go through the trouble of job, school, and other major life changes to give him this chance.
These are the reasons we take things hour by hour. Leaving tonight, Ian's circuit was successfully switched, his BP is back up to 60, he is urinating 25cc's an hour(the nurse told me anything over 5 is gravy)! This hour, transplant is a good option for Ian. More scary hours like we had today and we aren't going to be in the best position for transplant. We continue to pray that Ian will be safe, and that he will have angels to comfort him and that he can get his little heart soon.

Long days...

2007-09-27T21:41:00.000-07:00

It's been mostly an uneventful day today. I don't remember if Jenn mentioned in or not, but yesterdays the surgeon came down and opened his dressings up to relieve a little pressure and some clots in his draining tube. After the procedure he came and told us that the heart wasn't looking good, it was not moving much at all. Today while our nurses were changing his dressing they said they could definetly see some movement. Still not enough to generate a pulse pressure but he does have a poor but consistent heart rate, which he hasn't had since surgery. This still doesn't mean much to the doctors, but it gives Jenn and I a little hope, and makes us smile that Ian still isn't giving up. Transplant folks are in and out talking to us and introducing themselves. We have been given a pager to keep on us at all times and there is only one reason that it would ever go off......when we get a heart that matches. Besides the little heart rate we just spend most of the day talking to him and holding his hands. Emily came to see him today and she sure loves him. Jenn was trying to tell Emily to sing him another song after she finished I am like a star shining brightly, and Emily snapped back, "No mom, we will wake him up!" Emily knows the equiptment that helps him breath, and says that she wants some stickers on her head like Ian. Grandma Pearson is here with us and that is nice to have emily even closer than Julies for a little while. Jenn and I are doing pretty good today. When things aren't going so good in his room and 3 or 4 docs are in there trying to bring his BP up or down (it's all over the place) or deciding if it is time to try and remove more clots, things are a little tougher. We have our good hours and our bad hours as far as handling all of this, but today they were mostly good.

It's official!

2007-09-26T20:56:00.000-07:00

As of 6:45 tonight Ian is on the national cardiac waiting list, status 1A(that's on the top). He is listed as being able to accept from a donor in the range of 6-16 pounds. Our doctor Madoline Witte said, we still hope we don't need it, but it's good we are there in case. We completely agree. Love you guys, and miss you too.

Day 2

2007-09-26T17:27:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been quite a day. Ian's recovery is going somewhat slow. Ian's chest x-ray shows his heart increasing in size significantly. His Cardiovascular pressures started to rise rapidly and Dr. Hawkins said he'd rush in but wouldn't have his OR team with him. He told our nurses to start getting everything sterilized, and then to their relief he did show up with his team. They opened the wound to see what was going on. He was able to get a couple of clots out which has helped his pressures a little bit. The heart appears to still have no function. The doctors are "less than optimistic" at this point, and we are on the verge of being placed on the heart transplant list. Justin and I already completed most of the paperwork a few weeks ago and they are just waiting for the preauthorization from the insurance company. I haven't heard the official word but I was assured he would be on the list tonight. It gets kind of tricky with insurances, and the fact that we have 2 insurances seems like we could move the process faster but they have to negotiate with each other who will pay what and it sort of slows it down. By morning we should be on and will start our race against the ecmo. It's supporting Ian right now which we are obviously grateful for, but it also going to be our worst enemy in this process.
Justin and I are doing okay, mostly. We have had some moments for sure, but overall are hopeful and want to keep fighting for our little guy. We have social workers helping us with plans to relocate, looking into University of Utah(they will waive out of state for Justin) so we hopefully don't have to put off school too much longer.
We felt pretty helpless most of the day and as we started making plans to change our lives and show that we are willing to accept this challenge we felt a little better. I'm sure this comes as no surprise but the one other thing that motivates me to keep believing and hoping and praying is the somber way the doctors all look at me and ask how I am doing. I admit that I am stubborn, I like getting what I want and I don't like to give up. Proof- still pumping 6 times a day. More information than most people want, sorry. Just know that we are not giving up on our little man. However difficult it is to pray for a better situation knowing what that means, we trust our Heavenly Father's plan, and know somehow we will be blessed in a great way.

Recovery....Day 1

2007-09-25T16:44:00.000-07:00

First I just wanted to thank Brynn for the favor she did for us last night. We wanted to let everyone know about our day, but were not ready to accept, process or put the events into words. I really appreciated being able to ask that of her.
Today we have just been spending lots of time in Ian's room watching for his blood pressure to normalize. Right now the since the heart is not squeezing there is no change from systolic to diastolic pressure, there is only one number. As his heart begins to function we will see that number turn into two numbers and then as the numbers spread apart we will be 2 happy parents!
We've been asking the nurses lots of questions, they have been so nice to talk with us and even joke around. We asked them how we could sum up Ian's day/improvements/progress. Some good things happening are that his lactate which should be under 2, and which was 4 last night has gone down to 1.3. His pH levels are great and his Co2 levels are in range. He is working on getting fluids off, but at the same time they have to give him so much blood product through the ecmo it's kind of a trick to balance everything. They actually called University of Michigan today to talk about how much he is bleeding out of his chest drain. They suggested a drug that they may use to clot the blood a little before it gets to the ecmo circuit since they don't want that to clot. Everything is trying to balance the effects of one thing without changing something else, does that make any sense?
Anyway, we are doing well today. We know we are blessed and don't claim to know too much more than that! We don't feel too discouraged and know we will understand more someday. We are on an uphill journey and trying to take it for all it's worth. We have made some great friends here who have given us additional support. We had the cutest neighbor in the PICU for 3 weeks. He has a very rare disorder and was admitted about the same time as us. His name is Brody and Emily just loves him. After we had been in bed one night for about 20 minutes, she remembered that she forgot to bless Brody. She rolled over and said another prayer for him. His family has been so nice to us and we have been touched by their love and support. They have showed us how to be selfless in a huge trial when it seems like all we think about and want other people to think about is us.

With Heavy heart

2007-09-24T19:14:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of friends and family have been waiting for this post....I have checked the computer six or seven times tonight just waiting to see how things went durring surgery... Jenn asked that I write a very difficult post and it has taken me a long time to be able to see clearly to write it... Ian is now out of surgery and recovering. However...some of the great concerns of the surgeons happened; that Ian would be placed on Echmo. He came off heart and lung bypass, but needed the support of Echmo. He has some function in his lungs, but they are very stiff. They did not bleed this time which means there is hope that they will resume function. We don't doubt Ian will try his hardest to make them work again. His heart function still does not look good. They want to give Ian two days to try and improve and rest. This was a huge ordeal on his already worn body. My next question: what about the transplant?????.... It seems at this point that if his lungs do not recover they will not place his name on the donor list. If his lungs do recover function..(which I choose to believe will happen) then a heart will need to become available in a short amount of time which is another challenge...I asked what we can all do for them. They truly need our prayers and understanding that they wish to be together as a family. It will be hard to stay put and not try and do something, but I made Jenn promise that if she did need soemthing she would be brave enough to ask us... please continue to keep them in your prayers.... We know Heavenly Father is with them and special angels are helping Ian recover .... I know he can prove everyone wrong again, and become his happy self again.

Thanks.... Brynn Homer..

He's off.....

2007-09-24T12:45:00.000-07:00

We just sent Ian to the OR, he was happy and gave us smiles as we had to part for a few hours. Jenn and I actually feel really good, and we just can't wait to see him later tonight. Thanks again for all the prayers.

Tomorrow

2007-09-23T15:59:00.000-07:00

We are the second case for tomorrow. Kouretas says we are still at a high risk but he feels better than he did a week ago. He thinks it was good to wait and let him improve a little, and says to just think positively and we'll go from there. We are glad that he has a positive outlook. It's nice not to only hear all the things that can go wrong. He's a great surgeon and conveniently enough- we trust him with our son. It's so hard to think of just sending him off to a huge surgery like this, without us. I so want to be by his side through it all. I'm sure there will be plenty of more prayers in our children's behalf such as the one we have now, for Heavenly Father to be with our son at a time when we cannot. I can't say it makes it a ton easier, but when we need it the most we can always find comfort and hope.
With confidence in our surgeon and faith in our Heavenly Father and our sweet little Ian, we know we will make it through.

Another echo

2007-09-22T17:26:00.001-07:00

Cardiology wanted one more echo before surgery to see...actually I'm not sure why. Anyway they did one today and the doctor who read it says that there has been a slight improvement since the one Tuesday. We actually hadn't even had a conversation with our surgeon after that one, so you can imagine our anxiety to have a conversation now. We keep hearing that he will come tomorrow so hopefully we can get this figured out. The EF was supposedly 54% today but they don't completely rely on those #'s since they can vary 10-15% depending on the tech. We wonder if they want him to try and improve more, or if they are feeling more confident about him coming off the heart-lung machine with his new & improved function.
We will have a better idea tomorrow after our much anticipated visit with Kouretas. We are grateful for our family and have had a lot of fun today with 2 kids! Emily says, Mom look- you have 2 kids at the hospital! And that is what we love. 2 kids together.

2 days till surgery...again

2007-09-21T21:21:00.000-07:00

So, we are waiting for surgery and hoping for nothing too eventful in the meantime. Ian's BNP was 864 today and we were happy about that. It's always a good start to the day when that number hasn't gone up.
I've been feeling like he is sweating a little more the last couple of days and I am getting a lot of anxiety about surgery. Unfortunately, Justin and I aren't as naive going into this one and I don't know that that is too helpful. But we are looking forward to a nice quiet weekend together in preparation. He is having a little arrythmia tonight and they are trying to manage that. His magnesium level was in the normal range but they are going to give him a small dose to see if that will help.
It's his smile and great personality that is getting us through this one day at a time, one really long day at a time!

Ian's echo

2007-09-19T09:12:00.001-07:00

Ian's echo was first thing yesterday morning. We haven't heard what our cardiologist and surgeon think about it, but our resident Zach told us his opinion. He thought it looked like it improved. One number that should be 60-70, but was 22- increased to 38. He thought that was a significant increase. We do too, and are very happy. His BNP is back to the 1000's, but with error of test we don't let that bug us. He continues to smile, and we are just waiting to see what our team thinks.
I was missing Emily a lot yesterday and went to Kaysville to see her. We had fun shopping and playing at the park. I asked her if she liked a shirt I saw for Justin and she said, Oh yes mom, of course I like it! What a two year old. We also had tons of fun feeding the ducks at the park. That girl is not scared of anything. These ducks were quacking like crazy and chasing after her when her crackers were gone. She was so nice, and found them her fruit snacks so they could have more treats. I miss her again already but I know she is doing good.

A few suprises

2007-09-17T15:34:00.000-07:00

We did our daily phone call this monrning at 6:45, just before shift change, and asked the nurse for the results of his BNP lab done during the night. She told us it was 1145 (or something close to that). We were Ok with that, it's not up, which is good. So I (Justin) took the earlier shift while Jenn was out running some errands and on rounds the doctors said that they wanted to let Jenn breastfeed a little bit if she wanted, and that was a pleasant suprise. Then a little later while G&G Pearson were here, the cardiologist team came by and while I was listening I heard them say that his BNP this morning was 911 (3 digits!)! Aparrently they were looking off of yesterdays numbers when they told us this morning on the phone. So that was another pleasant suprise. The cardiologist that is on PICU assignment is really nice and think Ian looks great and is really pleased and excited with his progress. Ian has had a good relaxing day and nursed a little and has also taken his bottle well too. Jenn and I are just so grateful for all the prayers and love from all our family and friends. Thanks so much to all of you.

Happy Boy

2007-09-16T17:08:00.001-07:00

This is how Ian spends most of his days, smiling at anyone who wants to come talk to him, and he got a special treat today when his big sister Emily came and read him books and played with him and his frogs. Here is his little chair that he loves to sit up in to watch cartoons or read a book.

Tricky little guy!

2007-09-15T16:40:00.000-07:00

Ian's BNP went back down to the 1100's again today! The doctors attribute it all to some error in the test, but I have my own little 'theory' of his little bouncing around-ness. I think he still wants to get stronger before surgery and faked a low BNP Wednesday so the surgeon would change his mind. So, then Thursday and Friday he had his normal level and NOW he can work back down! I do have strong-willed children who usually get what they set their minds to!
We have all been taking it easy today. Emily wasn't feeling good the past couple of days and Justin and I didn't want to carry anything into the PICU to spread, so we haven't been up to see Ian today-- not fun. We called Julie and she was nice enough to come sit with our little man all day. So, we know he got loved and played with. Finally at about 4:30 Emily woke up for the 4th time today and actually feels a little better. We missed Ian today but it was nice to be able to be here for Emily. We are so glad that both of our kids are doing so well through this little trial. They give us comfort and hope and we sure do love them. ************** Emily learned how to make stars, those are from her. 8*************

Day 15

2007-09-14T12:46:00.000-07:00

We are getting quite used to the PICU. Ian is really starting to enjoy himself. He sits in his chair and smiles at everyone that walks by, when he isn't hungry- which isn't too often anymore. Since we are hanging out for a couple weeks, the doctors decided to let him take more orally and also to increase the volume and calorie of his continuous feeds. They really want to bulk him up for surgery. Dr Kouretas said the latest we will go without surgery is going to be a week from Monday. They will do an echo next Wednesday, and go from there. Unless his BNP trends upward, then we'll figure out a new plan. It was 1200 yesterday and 1400 today. The doctors don't think much of it for now. He's smiling, sleeping, and eating so we don't think much of it either. Justin brought our camera cable back with him so we'll get a picture up here soon.

The Plan?!?

2007-09-12T15:38:00.000-07:00

As quickly as we think we know what is going on... we don't! About 10 minutes after the suprise of hearing surgery was getting changed to tomorrow.....I ran into Dr. Kouretas. He talked with our cardiologist Dr. Williams, and the other heart surgeon. They think Ian's improvement is significant enough, to not rush surgery and see how much it continues to improve. Whoa, huh. Yeah, it blew me away. I even heard him finally say there is a smidgeon of a chance it will just improve and we can get him off of the medication. He thinks that's not likely, but they haven't thought much of this experiemce was likely. So, we'll continue to let Ian do his little thing and see what happens. If you are a tiny bit surprised we didn't have any sad news for the day, read on. If you love the news you already heard and don't like the sad news, stop!

Our car broke down on Justin when he was being such a nice husband and dad and using his lunch break to go home and pack so he could hurry to come and see me after work. His friend helped him tow it to Todd's automotive and hopefully it will be ready in a couple of hours. If that wasn't enough for you, keep reading..............
Justin also dropped his ever so precious free yet $400 Treo phone. Oh, the things that used to be troubles! No big deal- we can fix cars and get new phones(but probably no more $400 ones, sorry Justin)!

2 days til surgery

2007-09-12T08:16:00.000-07:00

I ran into Dr. Kouretas yesterday and he says we are still 'leaning toward surgery' on Friday. So, we are still 'leaning toward Ian's BNP going down more.' Today we are at 1059. Isn't that exciting? If it continues to go down 200 everyday we should be stronger for surgery. Justin and I have also asked if there is a chance that we could let him get even a little bit stronger and do surgery next week. We'll see what happens tomorrow when they repeat his echo study. Ian has been having fun the past couple of days. They brought him a cute chair to sit in and he loves that. He still loves his book, and enjoys reading(cooing) the words himself. As soon as he gets quiet I turn the page and he starts all over again! All of the Dr.'s, cariologist, surgeons, transplant nurses that have come to see him the past couple of days are in agreeance with one thing. They all have commented, "Well, he doesn't look like his numbers." Though they aren't used to seeing the numbers lie, they all think he looks better than he "should." We are so grateful for this and don't think it would be too far off to see him completely exceed their expectations. Thanks for the continued support. We feel so grateful for the many many blessings we have recieved this past month.

Real quick....

2007-09-09T18:57:00.000-07:00

We also wanted to tell everyone briefly that Ian's BNP went down a little more this morning. He went from 1626 to 1422. Every little bit helps us feel better. We haven't spoke with many doc's over the weekend, but we will be talking a lot this week about what we will be doing. Emily came down with me for the weekend and it has been great having her here. Ian gave her a great big smile when she came to see him today. Maybe being around lots of different people poking him and bothering him made him realize that his big sis isn't all that bad!

Fast

2007-09-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

We would like to invite all of our awesome family and friends to join us in another fast for Ian tommorrow. We are starting this evening and fasting for continued improvement of his heart function and a successful valve replacement procedure. So many people are constantly asking if they can do more, and we think that this would be the best thing for Ian. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support.
Justin

Aversion Schmaversion

2007-09-07T15:25:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to say really quick-
Ian had a bottle today and gobbled it down as fast as he could!! And he ate/gummed a teething biscuit for all it was worth. He has been smiling, playing, cooing, and even growling all day.
Now, I'm no doctor- but from a pround mom's point of view I would have to say that his heart function is improving even more.
And tomorrow we will enjoy a morning at Hogle Zoo with Emily while Grandma & Grandpa Davenport get the pleasure of sitting with the little man feeding him cookies! Needless to say we are all smiles today!

Bless his big heart!

2007-09-07T08:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a big day of learning for me. All about transplants, the process, risks, aftercare, etc. We got a list of people that have been where we are that we are going to try and meet with sometime. Ian's BNP # was up to 2375 yesterday so they wanted to do it again today and see where the trend was going. They thought it would either go up again or go down a little bit and then we would know this is where it would plateau. All of the sudden, transplant didn't seem that scary. If that's what it is going to take, let's do this. It also helped that Ian was all smiles! For me anyway. He doesn't even give those poor nurses a chance. If he doesn't know you- he doesn't trust you. Well, that's not all true. Emily and Dave Smith gave us a much appreciated visit yesterday and Ian rocked with Emily happily. I guess he can just sense a nurse when he sees one! Since he gets so stressed out and cries so much in the PICU- they are discussing moving us to the floor so we can have a private room and get assessed every 4 hours instead of every hour. We'll see what happens. Oh yeah, and a little excitement about his BNP trend, he's down to 1600 this morning! Tricky little guy we got here. I just wanted to thank our entire ward for all they have done. A crew of them met Justin at our apartment yesterday to pack and move our entire apartment. What a stress relief for Justin and I. We continue to appreciate all the prayers and invite you to share this blog with anyone. Some of the best news we get in a day is learning about someone else praying for our sweet little man.

2007-09-05T20:43:00.000-07:00

We met with Ian's cardiac surgeon, Dr Kuretas, and other cardiac doctor, Dr. Williams, for quite a while this afternoon. In a nut shell, they feel that something has to be done. His numbers are down but right now it's looking like his cardiac function may get a little better, but the valve is still not looking good. Looking at the options, they don't feel that they could do another cath procedure, too much risk of tearing and not enough benefit, it may not make it any better. So then we have the surgery option which is that they replace his aortic valve. They think this also has a fair amount of risk because of his poor heart function, that it couldn't handle being on the bypass. But, the long term effects of a successful procedure would be great. The last option is doing a transplant. Obviously it has the most long term risk, but less short term (during the procedure) risk than the valve replacement. The transplant of course has a lot of lifetime effects that are extremely hard to predict and control. So for now the plan is to give him some time on his current medications to help the function get as good as possible. Then do the valve replacement, and his heart will be strong enough to come off the bypass and we will be here until he recovers from that. That is what we are hoping and praying for. He is a strong little guy. We love him so much and just want him to be happy. Thanks to all for the support and prayers.

2097!

2007-09-05T08:43:00.000-07:00

What a nice smaller than 4000 number! That's all the news we've gotten so far. The doctors have not rounded yet, so we don't know what they think about our options at this point. But, our doctor yesterday said any improvement in that number was going to make this a much better situation. Ian still has his icky cough that he started having Monday afternoon. They ordered another chest x-ray for this morning so we will see how that looks. He got his ng(stomach tube) moved to an nj(small intestine) in hopes of taking away any fluid that could be causing the cough. I guess it's not quite working but we know we can figure it out. And, guess what? Justin and I both got our smiles today!! He just took a good nap in my arms and then blew out his diaper. I put him back in his bed so I could change him and he gave me the cutest grin that will make me happy forever. (yeah, it was a good one)! Well, there's our good news for the morning. We'll keep this updated. Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers.